Arrival of the purpose and meaning in life

 #USA

Post#11

Long read alert !! 

PLEASE 🙏🏼🙏🏼read from top to bottom, don’t scroll down to find the answer to the question you’ve been waiting for 3 days 😀 

Having celebrated the traditional Marathi Dohal jevan (baby shower) on December 28th 1991 we had returned home late and gone off to bed.

The next morning about 6 am I was awakened by an uneasy feeling of wetness. The bag of waters had broken. Abhay and Aai( MIL) wasted no time to take me to the hospital. 

At check-in, the receptionist began her standard series of questions:

What is your name?

Me: Madhavi A.R

What is your DOB

Me: July/ date/year

What is the reason you are here?

Me: I think I am in labor. My waters are leaking since half an hour back.

What is the name of your Dr ?

Me: Dr P.N.

Is this your first pregnancy?

Me: Yes

Are you married?

Me: Duh 🤦🏻‍♀️(not loudly)

Aai: kaay vichitra bai aahe ( what a weird woman she is !)

Then Aai added looking at me: tell her in Pune if you ask this question to a pregnant woman checking in through the front door you will be fired from your job or worse.

Of course Abhay and me didn’t translate that into  English for her 😀

Once we passed through this culture-shock interview I was led into the labor ward. My obstetrician’s resident physician came by to check on me. There was no dilatation, no contractions. I told Abhay to drop off Aai home and go to work. I would call them when the time comes.

Most of the day was spent laying there in observation. The nurses would check periodically. After nearly 12 hours I finally started getting contractions. One of Abhay’s college friends was doing anesthesia residency at the hospital. It helps to have contacts. He had informed his colleague who was on call that day to take care of me. I had indicated I want epidural anesthesia during delivery. When contractions became frequent and unbearable he came by to check on me. Basically he tried to dissuade me from getting the epidural because he was afraid I would not cooperate to bear down. Pains were getting really intolerable and I was afraid I may just faint with the pain. When he came back to check on me I was pleading with him. I thought to myself, I have years of experience bearing down (to empty my bowels),noone should underestimate me. I didn’t tell him that😀. I just negotiated with him : look, I will do precisely as you tell me but please give me that epidural now. He relented just when it was time for the baby to come out. By that time Abhay and Aai had arrived on the scene. So had my obstetrician.  9:34 pm, nearly 15  hours after checking into the place the nurses asked me to give the final push and my precious cargo of 9 months slipped out of my womb. 

The Dr congratulated me and Abhay. Abhay in turn informed Aai who wasn’t allowed into the labor suite during the delivery. 

Abhay: Aai mulgi zaali ( It’s a girl)

Aai: shakyach naahi ( Impossible)

Abhay: kharach ( it’s true)

Aai: tu cheshtaa kartoys ( you are pulling my leg)

Finally she came in to take a look and her denial instantaneously turned into genuine joy to see her first granddaughter ! She gazed with a very amazed ,curious and benevolent look, one that only a grand parent knows. (See the photo in the comments section.)

I was happy, needless to say. But too tired to process my emotions completely that night. Once in my private room I spent the night in a lot of pain from the episiotomy. Somewhere in the middle of the night got up to use the bathroom and fainted there due to the pain.

Abhay made the phone calls to India. My parents couldn’t contain their joy. My father, the moment he kept down the phone, ran to the sweets shop to buy the most expensive barfi and distribute to the entire bazarpeth  in our town and whoever they knew ….that was literally the whole town ! 

In contrast when Abhay called his older brother in Pune he kept consoling Abhay saying “ it’s ok ,don’t feel bad, you will get a son next time “😀. Gender bias is a conditioning that gets passed over from one generation to next ! And across same generations as well . 

My MIL did make a point though. She said “girls face more hardships in life at every juncture. That’s why I wished for boys for everyone. But you are lucky, your girl will take care of you.”

Next day I was discharged. Aai proudly wrapped a cape( kunchi) around the baby before I left the hospital and then at the home welcomed us with a thali of Arati. I had the newest Risbud cradled in my arms. Amita Abhay Risbud. ( photo in comments)

Months in advance I had chosen the name and it was already on her birth records before we left the hospital.

Amita. 

She who would not be limited by anything. 

It was inspired by the Bhagwad Gita which was my road map since an early age. Chapter 10 where Krishna enumerates to Arjun the commonplace things where one can find HIS presence. In the 33rd verse he says : “ Amongst the letters of the alphabet, I am the letter A”.

 It was my way of keeping Krishna in my thoughts as I raised my baby.

 The moment I entered the home and sat with her on my lap, my emotions could no longer be contained. I broke down crying looking at my flesh and blood in my arms. Tears of pure joy. Tears of gratitude for a wish fulfilled by Krishna.

Aai said to me at that moment “The next time you will cry like this is when she goes to her home( gets married). Here begins your longest residency “. 

Those words ring in my ears today as I write this .  Aai is not with us anymore but what she said was the poignant truth. My longest residency had just begun ! 

For this post I have chosen the saree I had draped the night before Amita’s birth. This is a Rajmata mulberry silk saree from Maharashtra. Aai( MIL) had gifted me in 1990 on occasion of my first mangalagaur. Mangalagaur is a traditional celebration in Maharashtra done on Tuesdays in the month of Shraavan ( usually July or August)in honor of new brides. Although she had gifted it to me at the time I had draped a different heirloom nauvari that day for the actual occasion. Will share a photo later. Also photos from the December 1991 Chicago Marathi baby shower to come.