New baby in the home: Baalantpan

 #USA

Post#12

New baby in the home: Baalantpan

I was completely naive to the post partum realities.As a medical student I had observed until the baby is delivered. But once mom and baby go home what care they get I had never seen upclose.

It was quite the opposite for Aai ( my MIL). She was a month short of turning 61 when Amita was born. But she had the energy and enthusiasm of a 30 year old. Having married early (she was barely 14) she had her first child at age 16. Abhay is the last of her 5 children and was born when she was 29. Her first grandson was born when she was only 39. Since that time she had taken care of every newly delivered baby in the family and the baby’s mom including her older daughter in law ( Abhay’s vahini).She had come fully prepared for my delivery as well. 

Our routine started the day we got home from the hospital. Aai would give me a rigorous oil massage. Each day she would prepare a different porridge ( kheer) that was nutritious for lactation. Sometimes almond( Badam) kheer, sometimes with dry or fresh dates, khuskhus ( poppy seeds) etc. She had carried from Pune all ingredients needed to make dinka ladoo ( laddoos made with edible gum and dried nuts, dried dates, poppy seeds) and jaggery. In between taking care of me and the baby she made the ladoos. The edible gum in these sweet treats is believed to help with the contraction of the uterus back into shape after the stretching of pregnancy. The other nutrients help lactation.

Once the umbilical cord dropped off she started bathing the baby as well. It was quite a ritual to watch. She would sit in the tub with her two legs stretched out and take the baby on her lap and gently massage oil and milk onto her. After a month or so she began to give her a bath with baby shampoo. 

She had brought several baby clothes from India. Some new and some hand downs from her older grand children. Zabli( loose shirts), topyaa( caps), kunchi(capes). Really adorable clothes. One of the newest pieces of clothing was a pretty silk brocade fabric kunchi . She had saved this precious fabric for years. It was a really pretty pink kunchi. I teased her “ when you didn’t want a grand daughter how did you make a pink kunchi and bring with you ?” 😀😜. She simply smiled slyly. Somewhere deep inside she must have had the intuition that this fabric is for this baby.

Much to her displeasure and despite her protests I got up the very second day after arriving home and got to cooking for all of us in the kitchen. I didn’t want her to work hard. Already she was doing a lot for me. She kept saying it is not good on the uterus. You need to rest and heal. But I was young and restless. I couldn’t possibly lay in bed all day. And certainly not have her do all the seva( service). Letting her do the dishes was out of question. I offered to massage her legs at the end of the day but she was so independent she totally refused. “ maazya angaala koni haat laavaaychaa nahi” ) ( no one should touch my body) 😀 The massage on me and baby bath rituals continued for a while.

In less than a week I was sick being inside the home. I told Abhay let’s go to the temple. She protested again. A new mom should not leave the home for 21 days. I was not ready for such house arrest. I told her “Aai, these are outdated ideas. Let’s go to the temple. I’ll be fine.”

So we bundled up the baby and took her to the Hindu Temple in Chicago. Prayed for blessings for her and all of us. 

Aai was very fond of traditional ceremonies. She conducted the naming ceremony ( Baarsa)at home on the 12th day. Our friends were invited, including Abhay’s co- residents. Nearly 25 guests attended.She single handedly made puran polis for everyone. There was masale bhaat, kataachi amti, and usual fare for lunch that day. Seema Talwalkar who had hosted my baby shower stepped in as the baby’s atya to whisper her name into the ear. Aai gifted the baby with a gold waist chain and me with a gold chain for the neck and patlya( gold bangles) and Abhay and me with a set of pure silver plates, bowls, cups( taata, waatyaa,pele).

After the baarsa I took the baby to an Indian jewelry shop to pierce her ears. Aai protested. She didn’t want her ears pierced. I teased her “ you have 3 daughters ; didn’t you get their ears pierced ? But you are scared to pierce the ears of your grand daughter? “  A small prick, a small cry from the baby and all was done and fine.

Next ceremony was bornaan( बोरनाण) for Amita on occasion of Holi/ Rang panchami. Since the bor ( बोर) were not available she substituted with big black grapes, made a necklace out of them to put around Amita’s neck and used turmeric and kumkum pastes, dipped her fingers in these and applied to Amita’s cheeks and forehead. 

Because of Aai truly nothing was missed despite living in a foreign land and despite the absence of my parents.  My debt to her shall remain for as long as I live. She never liked when I said that but it was the truth. Aai was God’s messenger 🙏🏼🙏🏼💕💕

Today’s saree is a deep blue Garden Vareli saree that I had bought from their showroom and later got machine embroidered with white daisies on the borders. I used it during residency days in Mumbai , then during my days in Chicago and I use it to work even now. It still looks like new.