The Dark Years: Part Two C

 #USA

Post#30 C

By 2019  Baba had made up his mind that his freedom was restricted in the USA . He couldn’t drive and couldn’t meet people whenever he wanted to. So he made a decisive move to Khopoli ( India). Abhay and me tried so hard to convince him that it would be a mistake. But nothing could make him change his mind. Soon after his 79th birthday he left from here for good.   Aai thought he will realize his mistake and return. She made a trip in October to see him and came back. I visited him in November and again in 2020 February. Within a week of my return lockdown happened in India . 

The pandemic was getting started. There were challenges here at work . And I was worried for him there. Every time I spoke to him over the phone he would assure me that he is safe, follows social distancing, told me how the city had enforced strict lockdown measures etc etc. 

By June I got news from a source , not him, that he was running high fevers. I called him. My fears came true. He tested positive for covid and had a pneumonia on imaging tests. I spoke to my friends in India and they said if at all he needed admission to a hospital send him to KEM in Mumbai because they had trained competent staff to deal with covid. I was constantly keeping updates about his progress. Fortunately despite his age and diabetes he did not develop low oxygen at any time and recovered completely without complications. 

Here we were going through unprecedented challenges and adapting to new 12 hours schedules ,using PPEs for those long hours and getting through our work one day at a time, week after week.

Out of the blue,in the later part of October I got information that Baba was having some urinary troubles for a couple of months so he got tests done and there is a rumor that he has cancer. This again from another source, not Baba. I picked up the phone and asked him about it. He seemed casual about everything that was going on. The urologist he had consulted was a nephew to me, Baba’s sisters’ grandson but of my age. I spoke with him and he told me that a surgery could need more than one stages of operation and it is best Baba get it done in the USA. After going back and forth Baba finally agreed to come here but wanted to defer until after Diwali which was in mid November. He said he prefers to come by November 18th after taking care of things he had at hand there.

Again I scrambled here to reinstate his insurance through my job. They were all very helpful. All  forms that required Baba’s signatures I sent him via email and had him send them back scanned promptly. The insurance was effective starting November 1st. I got the CT scan report from India and shared it with my urologist colleague here . The cancer was small and respectable .and the urologist was all prepared to do the surgery as soon as Baba got here. 

Baba was a highly active person. He went by himself on his bike to Panvel to get the CT scan done on October 23rd. But by the 28th he was weak, throwing up and having diarrhea. Since the day I had become aware of what was going on with his health I was on the phone with him and his doctors in India during daytime hours in India and again working during daytime hours here.

 On November 1st Baba saw blood in the urine and panicked. He called me and said book my ticket, I’ll come tomorrow. I got him a ticket for night of November 3rd. I scrambled to get his covid test done hurriedly as required by the airline. But he was getting sicker by the hour. An hour before he was to leave from home for the airport he called me and said to postpone his ticket by a few days so he got over the vomiting and diarrhea and had more strength to travel. I said I will do that but I will book my ticket to bring you with me. He was happy. I canceled his ticket and booked mine for November 6th. Ran to get my covid test done to be able to fly. As I was on my way for the covid test I got a phone call from India that he was disoriented, taking off his clothes and asking where is his home !! I got on the phone to reach one or two people who could take him to the nearest hospital. Then I called the doctor at the hospital to get update on his labs upon admission. It was 2 am here at the time. As I waited for the doctor’s message I fell asleep. Suddenly at 4 am I woke up. The labs were terrible. He was in acute kidney failure. The local doctor said he needs to be transferred to a tertiary hospital in Belapur where he could be under the care of a nephrologist and get dialysed. Again I was on the phone to find someone who could take him there until I reached India. 

It was the morning of November 5th here. My flight was the next day. My mind was racing against time at every second. I picked the phone and called Emirates to see if they had a flight on the 5th from Los Angeles. The booking agent confirmed there was a flight and check in would start by 11 am , a bit earlier than usual because verification of covid results on each passenger was taking time. It was 9 am while I was on the phone with her. It’s a minimum 2 hours drive from my home to LAX. If I drove myself  I would need to find parking and take a shuttle from there and that would make me lose time. I needed a ride to catch the plane the same day.  I asked the Emirates associate if she could call me back in 10 minutes till I confirm a ride to the airport before changing my ticket or I would lose tomorrow’s booking and also not make it to today’s flight. She said it’s not their policy to call back . I would have to call them. I told her why I was going to India hurriedly and it would waste time if I had to explain everything again to another agent . She sympathized and agreed to make an exception and call me back in 10 minutes. I texted a friend who was semi retired. Are you free? Can you drive me to the airport? Kept down the phone and jumped into the shower, out in 5 minutes. Checked the phone as I dried myself. The friend had confirmed he would take me and be at my home in 5 minutes. Right then the phone rang . It was from Emirates. I told the kind associate to move my ticket from tomorrow to today. My covid test was back, thankfully. I threw my passport, a bit of cash and 2 clothes into the bag along with the test results sheet and went to look for my aai to tell her I’m leaving today instead of tomorrow. She got worried. Is Baba ok ? I said yes but it is better I be with him earlier. It was decided earlier that I would go alone because it was risky for her to travel under the circumstances of the pandemic. The vaccine had not become available by that time.

She had just come out of the shower and wasn’t dressed appropriately to see me at the door. My friend was already outside . I told her to lock the door behind me , put my bag into his car and was on the road, literally before 9:30 am . 

About 45 minutes into the drive I realized I had not told Abhay I’m leaving today, not tomorrow as was his understanding when he left for work that morning. And the kids. I called them both.  While I was on the phone with Abhay I got a call from India. The resident in the ER was admitting Baba to the ICU at Apollo Hospital in Belapur and needed Baba’s medical history. No one knew it and Baba was incoherent. After I put that phone down I called my cousin in Mumbai. The flight would reach Mumbai at 2:30 am. I would need someone to pick me up at that hour and take me to Belapur.  Amidst all the phone calls I didn’t realize when we were already at LAX . I thanked my friend and hurried to check in for my flight.

 I had barely checked in and I got another call from India. This time it was the nephrologist who was going to take care of Baba in the ICU. He said the kidney function had worsened since the last results , no urine was being produced by the kidneys. He wanted my permission for dialysis. I told him do what needs to be done . I may not have communication till I reach Dubai. He was aware. 

I reached Mumbai. My maushi and her husband were coming to pick me. They insisted I stay the night with them in Goregaon. In the morning they would take me to Belapur. It was 5 am by the time I had completed the airport formalities regarding covid registration, contact information etc and reached home in Goregaon. I couldn’t sleep . At 8 I called the hospital to ask how Baba was doing and when I could meet the nephrologist. He told me to come see him in the icu by 11 am. My maushi forcibly fed me before I left for the hospital. 

I reached before the doctor. The nurse showed me the way to Baba’s bed at the far corner of the huge ICU. It was the first ever time in my life I was entering an ICU as a family member. It felt weird. Behind a pulled curtain was my old man , restrained to his bed, with multiple IV lines in his arms, wiggling to get out. I went to his side and asked “ Do you recognize me ?”. He looked intently, said I looked familiar but couldn’t say for sure who I was. Just then the doctor arrived. Since we had already been in touch over the last 24 hours he didn’t waste time over introductions. Straightaway asked me if Baba had recognized me. I said no. He said come on over, let’s see. He stood on one side of the bed and started talking to Baba: kaka how are you? I’m ok. What is your name ? Who is in your family ? He answered both questions correctly. Next the doctor said look on your other side , you have a visitor. Baba turned and saw me. Instantaneously his face lit up with the sweetest smile I’ve seen in my entire life. He looked at the doctor with the smile still on his face. The doctor asked who is she ? Baba said Madhavi. There was joy and pride in his eyes and in his smile as he said that. 

The doctor turned to me in a few minutes and said although the kidney numbers had improved after the first dialysis there was still no urine produced. He would dialyse Baba one more time that day and see if there was improvement . I nodded in agreement.

They had repeated an ultrasound upon admission and things were quite frightening. The cancer was very aggressive and had progressed greatly since the scan from a week before. I knew what that meant . It was clear that the cancer was no longer operable. 

The second dialysis was done . No urine production despite everything so far. I was in touch with my sister in Dallas and with Abhay, both oncologists. My sister told me Tai, take him home. Abhay was also of the same opinion. So were other senior members of Baba’s side of the family. Decision was ultimately mine to make. I asked Baba when he was more coherent. Do you want surgery?  His answer makes me cry even as I wrote this . He said in a very calm voice “ you will only do what is in my best interest. Whatever decision you take is ok with me”. 

I took him home that day . He was in so much pain, especially in the bumpy ambulance ride home. The hospital refused to give me even a day’s worth of pain medication to take home. Once we got home the neighbors and friends gathered to help us take him upstairs to his room. I was all by myself and couldn’t have made him sit up to take his pills at night . So someone hurriedly arranged for a hospital bed . All night I watched over him , that he doesn’t fall out of bed , gave him water and pills , changed his diapers several times. 

At 4 am that night he complained of severe chest pain. I had a couple of injections of a calming medication that a local pharmacist procured for me knowing me since childhood. I wanted to give it but it had been ages since I had given an injection through a three way port. Didn’t know who to call at that hour. I made a video call to my sister. She summoned the nurses at her workplace and they directed me to use the port. Baba got relief with that injection. But only for an hour or so. Again he started complaining of the crushing pain in his chest. As I gave him another injection he slipped into a coma.

Ten days after that he remained in a coma. I was sponging him, changing his diapers, even called a barber to shave him when he started looking shabby. Even though in coma he would show signs of distress on the face when I had to turn him to clean and change. I kept saying sorry , sorry. Other times to kept talking to him . Nobody knows if a person in coma can hear and understand but sometimes I saw emotion across his face when I spoke to him .Couldn’t feed him , couldn’t give fluids as his kidneys couldn’t make urine. Just watched him wither away in front of my eyes. I played the Mahamrityunjay mantra, Ram Raksha stotra, Hanuman Chalisa continually by his side through the vigil.

Finally on November 18th at 5:35 pm his breathing had ceased and the heart was silent. He had passed on into the arms of the Almighty. 

That same night close local friends and some  family from Pune came to accompany him on his last mortal journey to the crematorium. I was destined to bid the final goodbye. 

It was past midnight when I returned home. Through friends I had arranged for a simple dinner for everyone who came from Pune. They left the same night.

 It is worth mentioning that since the time I got married and left India 30 years back I hadn’t been in close touch with many of the extended family of cousins on my paternal side. Ironically Baba’s illness and demise brought me closer to all of them.

The next morning went back to the crematorium to collect the remains and ashes and took them to a holy shrine about an hour away to immerse in holy waters. After immersing the remains, the family member who was accompanying me asked me to sit down and close my eyes and reminisce everything I could about Baba. It was a very peaceful and cool place by a river. I was sitting in the shade of an old Banyan tree. The entire life moved across the screen of my mind in less than a minute. I opened my eyes and tears rolled down in gratitude for the immeasurable and unconditional love that had sustained the seedling of my life in the shade of my tall Banyan.

I stayed back to complete the full funeral rituals and take care of some things with the house. I was gone for 7 weeks ! 

It was Christmas Eve when I returned back to the USA . I had gone to bring him with me. I returned empty handed. Much poorer than when I had left from here. And yet, strangely richer, with the realization of what a privileged life I had had.

Saree today is a Sambalpuri Patta( Silk) with intricate bandha design using natural dyes. Death is often associated with darkness and with black. While it remains shrouded in mystery, it opens many doors within the mind and lays bare its intricacies. For me, time and again it taught me valuable lessons that no school teaches, and propelled me one step closer each time to the life beyond.