The Dark Years: Part Two A

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Post#30 A

The Dark Years : Part Two

House was suddenly lonely without Aai. Truth was I had spent more quality time with her than with my own mother in my entire life until then. I missed her. In the days that she was here we would cook together. She taught me to make puran polis and other traditional dishes. She had the rare humility to learn from me whatever I had learnt from Baba or my aunts. She used to be always proud of the fact that I made ghee , yogurt, buttermilk in plentiful amounts from scratch at home. Even the masalas ( goda masala) I would make from raw ingredients at home. She bragged about me when she went to Pune. Madhavi chyaa ghari nehmi toop dahi bharpur asta, she would tell her daughters.

We remained regularly in touch with her in India. Mostly it was Abhay’s elder brother and Aai on the phone with Abhay and me. Aai had sold some ancestral land in Sangli and invested in two plots of land in Karve Nagar a couple of years back , supposedly one for each son. The older brother’s house was ready and vahini had recently moved into her independent home with her son first time in two decades after her wedding. Brother in law would alternate between mom’s place and the new place where his family lived now.

Lately vahini would mention she  was having intermittent back pain and would ask me about it . Everyone thought the recent moving etc had something to do with it. I suggested why don’t you get an X-ray? Initially pain was tolerable so she didn’t take it seriously. Later when it was more persistent and severe she decided to go do the X-ray. The results prompted additional imaging with MRI.

 We were all dumbfounded when we saw the results of the MRI. Abhay’s eldest sister from Pune was in fact visiting us here in Bakersfield at the time when we received the MRI report. Immediately she returned to Pune. There were lytic lesions on the MRI of the spine indicating advanced cancer from somewhere. Further imaging showed it had spread from the lungs. 

This was 2003. Vahini was only 47 at the time and her son was just 18 and having completed 12th grade he was starting engineering college. The entire family was devastated. Abhay’s brother went completely speechless with the shock. Aai took it upon herself to take care of vahini. Vahini had already lost her mother by then to breast cancer. Her father was 80 at the time and  lived in Hyderabad. He came briefly to see her.

Oncology evaluations and treatments started at Ruby Hall in Pune. Abhay used to be constantly on the phone with her. She had so many questions about her prognosis and medications and quite naturally worries about her son. We went in person for a few weeks . It was a very sad situation . Aai was 72 and doing full time seva in the home. Vahini’s pretty face had been ravaged by the high dose of steroids given to her. 

At the same time Aai had initiated construction of the bungalow that was meant for us, Abhay and me. She told me to go inspect the kitchen and see how I would like it done. Both Abhay and me did not feel it appropriate at the time to attend to such things when vahini was seriously ill. We told her it could wait. 

We returned from Pune after our stay and within a few weeks got news that Aai slipped on a wet floor at home and fell on her back breaking her hip. Abhay’s sister took her to the orthopedic hospital. She needed surgery to fix the fracture. Surgery as done. She came home . But was unable to bear weight on that hip. More xrays were done . The bone was so spongy from osteoporosis that the hardware wouldn’t hold. Another surgery was attempted but failed.The woman who had lived all her life so independently, who would not accept massage from me when she was tired , who did the balantpan ( post partum care) for everyone in her brood, who pushed my wheelchair when I was full term , the same woman now was condemned to being bed ridden for rest of her life. 

Since Aai was now incapacitated, Vahini’s elderly father came down to stay with her and attend to the needs of his daughter at home.

Here more misfortune struck closer to home around the same time. Advait began complaining of vague pain in his right hip. Initially mild, it quickly escalated to the point where he started limping and was unable to play with his friends on the playground at school. The teachers thought he was making an excuse to sit in the shade. They asked for a doctor’s note. I took him to his pediatrician and he ordered an X-ray. 

There was some vague abnormality on the plain film so the orthopedic was consulted and he ordered a MRI. This test showed an apple bite defect in the ball of his hip ( femur head). The diagnosis was made for Legg Calve Perthes Disease. This is a disorder that happens in young kids between 4-10 years of age where blood supply to that part of the bone is cut off leaving a dead bone . The cause is not known . My heart would bleed to see my son come out of school on crutches after other kids had rushed out of the gates. It was his age to run around on the playground. 

I followed all recommendations from his treating orthopedic specialist like an obedient parent . Took him to regular physical therapy visits. And recited Hanuman Chalisa every day. For some reason this kid since an early age had an attraction for Hanuman out of all Gods. His car even today holds a small statuette of  Hanuman. 

Vahini’s battle against her cancer went on with the sheer will to live for her son. In 2006 she finally lost this fight, 3 years after the terrible diagnosis. Her son was 21 and had been her support and witness to her suffering from such an early age. 

We visited Aai again in a few months since her second surgery and after Vahini’s demise.Abhay was terribly busy with sick cancer patients at work and reluctant to take a vacation. But I knew it was important that we spend at least our vacation time with her. With much arguing he finally relented. All four of us went . I didn’t know if I would be seeing her again. I told her at the time from the bottom of the heart that she had treated me with love always and I would remember her that way. Her response to that was “wish Vahini had also thought the same way”.

 Indeed Vahini’s life had been different. It is never the same when you live in MIL’s home instead of your own.  I could see where both women were coming from. Both were really remarkable women who were always kind to me since I became family . But the dynamics between them improved only after sickness entered the house. I wish it had been more different. They wished that too. 

Aai passed away at her own home in 2008.

My biggest reason for regret about not returning to India for good remains due to the fact that I couldn’t be there for her in her last days.

Only one out of the three people above had a good outcome. 3 months after the initial diagnosis of Legg Calve Perthes disease a repeat MRI showed the apple bite defect had completed disappeared and the femoral head was smooth and rounded again as if nothing had happened. Advait was back on the playground and the crutches were off. The orthopedic surgeon treating him told me it was a miracle !! Advait’s faith in Hanuman Chalisa was strengthened forever. So was mine. 🙏🏼🙏🏼

Saree is a silk Narayanpeth from my days before I was married. I call it my biscuit and coffee saree, biscuit colored body and coffee colored border and pallu. Rajmata sarees, Narayanpeth and ilkal weaves have a lot of similarities in their appearance. Perhaps due to neighboring state influences ( Maharashtra, Andhra and Karnataka respectively). Not until a few years back I came to know that this weave is from the then state of Andhra Pradesh,and not Maharashtra where it has been immensely popular for decades. Later will try sharing a photo of me in this saree with Aai. This is from 2001 .