Life Gets An Anchor

 

#USA

Post#4

Baba stayed for a couple of weeks. While he was here Abhay’s sister wanted us to meet her family. So the two of us flew to San Diego for a few days. That was my maiden visit to California. I was really impressed with San Diego. The beaches were so beautiful. Unlike Chicago in November this place was so sunny and pleasantly warm. Bigger, wider freeways were impressive. Everywhere I could see there was open space, blue skies and the ocean . 

Sheelatai ( SIL) and BIL took us to Las Vegas. The Marathi phrase is “doley deepley“ with all the lights and glamour of the city. Eyes had never seen such glitz before. The grand casinos , the slot machines, the extravagant buffets……everything was on a scale I had never imagined. Yet somehow the vibe in the place didn’t feel good . Dense cigarette smoke wherever you go, painted faces in flimsy clothes standing at every corner of the strip,shady guys handing over pamphlets of consort services, people walking with huge drinks in their hands on the road. Everything was loud and gaudy. I was finding it increasingly uncomfortable. But the most embarrassing of all was the unexpected ordeal of watching a show of scantily dressed dancers with my father and brother in law sitting at the table. Oh God ! That memory makes me shrink even today.

Had I known even remotely this was coming I would have never gone to the place without Abhay. I wanted to get out of there as fast as possible. 

Once we were back in Chicago Abhay took us on a weekend trip to see the Niagara Falls. It was the later part of November in 1990. With inadequate clothing for the northern winter it was a rather stupid adventure. I could barely stand near the falls for a few minutes. It was freezing cold, my teeth were chattering, brain was close to freezing. I can feel the shivers as I recall that experience. I was ready to run as fast as I could,away from the famous falls that people from around the world dream of and flock to see.

Alas,soon after that road trip it was time for Baba to return to India. I stood until I saw him disappear through the security gates at the airport and suddenly felt I was all alone on a foreign land. For days I couldn’t express anything . I remained silent all day, no smiling, no tears, not much eating. Just numb. One evening after work Abhay said let’s go for a drive. I followed him to the car but there was no cheer. He remained silent for a moment then said “do you want to cry ? “ I looked up and there it all came out. I just wept it out till my heart felt some relief. I missed home. I missed my family, my friends, my life in India. This man with me was nice but I barely knew him.

Pudhe jaavu valu maage

Karu mi kaay re devaa 

Should I go forward or turn back from this juncture? Tell me O God what’s best for me  🙏🏼

What comes to mind right now are the poignant lines from another  Marathi poem by BhaaRaa Tambe: 

Kale mala tu praan sakha jari
Kale tuch aadhaar sukha jari
Tuj waachuni sansaar fuka jari
Man jawal yaawaya gaangarate

I know that you are my life companion 
I know that you are the pillar for my comfort and happiness
There is no meaning to my world without you
Yet, my mind falters to come near you

That was the moment I realized fully and accepted within me that Abhay is now where my life is anchored. 

Today’s saree is also 30+ years old. I had bought it during my residency days in Mumbai. A simple taant from Bengal bought at a small store on Ranade road in Dadar Mumbai on way to my aaji’s home. It has Jamdani buttis on the body and Jamdani motifs on the pallu.

 I couldn’t find the old colored photo in this saree taken in a studio at Kings Circle in Mumbai . But found a black and white version taken at the same sitting. It was a photo meant to be shown to prospective suitors. So yes, indirectly this was the saree that brought me to this juncture. 😀