October: Domestic Violence Awareness Month

 

October: Domestic Violence Awareness Month

October is not just about Breast cancer awareness. It is also designated to raise awareness of a different kind of cancer that pervades our lives. Domestic Violence!

As I think about it my mind draws so many similarities between these two seemingly different conditions.

Just like breast cancer, domestic violence ( DV for short) affects both genders but disproportionately affects much more women than men.

Both evoke fear.

Both carry risks for lives.

Both can be largely prevented from causing harm if detected and acted upon early.

During of my jury duty summons a few years back  I found myself being selected for a trial that involved a case of domestic violence. The defendant was a man in his 40s who had been accused by his ex-wife of serious physical and emotional abuse.

The procedure in the USA after you are picked into a pool of jury is that the judge goes around interviewing individual potential jurors about their background as well as their opinions, if any,about the case. During this round of screening, that aims at minimizing biases, the attorneys for both parties as well as the judge can eliminate the jurors if they sense they may be unsuitable for the particular case.

In this particular case when it was my turn to talk about my background my face was flushed. My voice quivered. I was visibly nervous. As a primary physician to over 2000 women I had seen from close quarters what domestic violence involves.

There are women who are illiterate, married or unmarried, with children or childless. They depend on their men for security. Emotional, physical, financial and even spiritual. Ironically these perceived saviors are the very same sources who cause harm to their women. They know the desperate victims have nowhere to go. Whatever initial courage their victims had mustered is broken over the years. They have become mere toys in the hands of their perpetrators.

On the other hand there are women who are educated, employed, smart and who could easily do well on their own. Yet they don’t. They endure the abuse for years for one reason or other. Blind love. False hope for change. Emotional insecurities. Social taboos. Children. So many reasons to stay and not one reason to walk away!

Sometimes the only person they feel comfortable to share these dark secrets is their pastor or their physician. For the physician there is an eternal dilemma to report or not report. The law mandates that if a health care provider finds signs of physical abuse these must be reported to law enforcement.

 

Dilemma arises in the situations where the physical signs are not visible but the patient openly or obscurely refers to an abusive relationship.

If I report what the patient has confided with me I will lose her trust. If I don’t report, I fear for her safety.

 When I try to convince these women to voluntarily  report abuse to authorities or to a medical social worker, they are hesitant. They fear for their own safety or repercussions/ retaliations from such reporting. Or simply they don’t want to turn in their abusive partners because they love them. Or worse, they don’t trust law enforcement.

In a lot of cases the perpetrators accompany these women to their appointments to keep a close eye on what they share with the doctor. In most cases when physical signs are visible and reported as required by the law  these women change their stories when police question them. 

As a result the violence sees no end until the inevitable happens. A life is lost. 

And much damage has occurred in between. The women have gone through so much terror and suffering and along with them their children who will carry the trauma into their lives.

After seeing all this from close quarters how could I not have an opinion about domestic violence and it’s victims as well as perpetrators? 

Not surprisingly, the defense lawyers asked for me to be excused from serving on that jury. 

I am not aware how that particular case played out.  

Whether the lawyers were able to convince the jury of the man’s guilt or his innocence? 

Preceding as well as subsequent to that trial there have been so many high profile cases in the news about domestic violence. The infamous long drawn OJ Simpson trial, the case about the blade runner from South Africa, Scott Peterson, and more recently the gruesome death of Gabby Petito.

Note also that domestic violence is not just between spouses or partners. Sadly it happens between parents and children as well. Child abuse, elder abuse all are forms of domestic violence.

It is calling for teaching our daughters, our friends , our clients to recognize the patterns of deceit and abuse and empower them to break free from the clutches of these evil people and seek a life of safety and happiness before their world is destroyed. They need to know they will not be left alone if they walk away from these destructive relationships. That there will be support and protection from good people for them. They need to be made aware of the anonymous hotlines where they can report such abuse. They need to know about the resources they can tap on when they need help. 

Awareness, education, dialogue and support is what this social disease calls for. With this post I’m doing my little bit . Will you be willing to do yours whenever and wherever you can ? 

Saree is one of my favorite Sambalpuri ikats with intricate bandha work all over depicting jungle theme. It is a dark saree like the dark theme I’ve discussed today. Often times when a man behaves badly he is referred to as behaving like an animal. This is really ironic because animals do not behave evil like humans. They kill for food and only when hungry. They don’t torture their loved ones. They don’t deceive those who put their trust in them. If humans lived like the jungle animals we would not need a designated time to bring awareness about domestic violence!