Bheti Laagi Jeevaa

 

Bheti laagi jeevaa! 

Easily one of the finest of Sant Tukaram’s abhangas recorded in the voice of Lata Didi and musically composed by Mr. Shreenivas Khale.

Those who have heard it would know the intense, soul stirring call for Vitthala arising from the heart of Tukoba through this song. Those who haven’t heard it yet must go listen to this immortalized classic. The listener is rendered motionless as he/she invariably enters into a silence, almost trance, listening to it. Each and every word is pronounced by Lata Didi with such clarity and sweetness, while simultaneously maintaining an unadulterated honesty about the emotion contained in them. 

This song is undisputedly a Marathi music lover’s dream.

For a student of adhyatma or bhakti marg( spiritual science or school of devotion ) it is an entire thesis!!

What prompted me to discuss this abhanga was the range of comments received for my last post. I could recognize the wide spectrum of thinking amongst those who shared comments on that post. It felt pertinent to address an important issue that was silently expressed there. And this abhanga seems perfect to highlight that factor. 

The issue that lies at the core of adhyatma ( Spiritual studies) is the distinction between physical identity and spiritual identity. Even an advanced student of adhyatma has to remain constantly aware of his/ her thoughts. Are they arising from physical identity or from the spiritual being in them? 

The word in Marathi for physical identity is Deh buddhi. This deh buddhi is what we all have; right since the day we learn to identify ourselves, or probably even earlier than that. 

We look in the mirror. A face becomes familiar. A certain body image becomes familiar. The concept of “I” becomes engraved into our psyche. Even the psyche that grows and matures with time is tightly coupled with this external body image. I, who is this physical form with this face, thinks this way, feels this way, acts this way. These are my strengths, those are my weaknesses. That is my mother, that is my father, those are my siblings, those are my friends, my teachers, my rivals, so on and so forth. I went to college, I got a degree, I became a CEO of the company, I got the recognition, I saved someone’s life, I defeated someone, I was humiliated, I was treated unfairly, I had fever, I slept all night…… whatever our story , it revolves around the physical body. This is the deh buddhi. 

Very few people amongst us recognize and rise above this physical identity. Every thought that arises from this identity is “visible “ to them. They are not identified with the thought like the majority of us. Through their years of spiritual practice and study and resultant purity of consciousness they are able to exist as a witness to their body image and to the web of thoughts created around this body image. 

They sort of begin to live a double life. 

On one hand there is the story of the deh buddhi as I described above. A story where they are the protagonist and other characters are woven around them; parents, siblings, friends, spouse, kids, colleagues, acquaintances, admirers, critics, enemies and what not.

Their spiritual identity has a story too. But it is not as crowded as that of the body identity. There is a student and a teacher, or a devotee and his/ her deity, servant and master or a seeker and his/her guiding saints/ books/ principles.

In this latter identity, there is a shift in the balance between the characters. The individual seeker or devotee is not the protagonist. Here the story revolves around the deity or teacher. Although the story has very few players, there is definitely no dearth of emotions. 

Those saints who have used poetry or prose to describe their spiritual journeys or lay down markers for future seekers have cleverly borrowed from their own deh buddhi experiences or observations of ordinary people around them to describe their spiritual experiences. These emotional upheavals are relatable for the common people and therefore prove to be very effective teaching tools. 

भेटीलागीं जीवा लागलीसे आस

पाहे रात्रीं दिवस वाट तुझी

पूर्णिमेचा चंद्रमा चकोरा जीवन

तैसें माझें मन वाट पाहें

दिवाळीच्या मुळा लेंकी आसावली

पाहतसे वाटुली पंढरीची

भुकेलिया बाळ अति शोक करी

वाट पाहे परि माउलीची

तुका ह्मणे मज लागलीसे भूक

धांवुनि श्रीमुख दावीं देवा

भेटीलागीं जीवा लागलीसे आस

In this particular abhang Tukaram Maharaj has expressed the burning desire or deep longing he feels for Vitthala, along with the pain and quiet endurance that is part and parcel of this waiting. He has compared this situation of anticipation to the chakor bird whose entire living is dependent on and directed towards bright moonlight especially on a full moon night. At another place he highlights the mental state of a young married woman who anxiously awaits an invite from her parental home on the festive occasion of Diwali. For Tukaram Maharaj Vithoba is mother and Pandharpur is the parental home. His emotion mirrors that of the aforementioned woman. The last example he cites is of an infant who is crying his lungs out because he is hungry. But only his mother can feed him. So despite all the misery from the intense hunger, he keeps waiting till mother feeds him. Tukaram Maharaj’s “hunger” is for Vitthala darshan. He is urging Shri Hari ( Vithoba), hurry and assuage my hunger! Have you forgotten your baby? 

Bheti laagi jeevaa laagalisay aasa

Paahe ratrandivas vaat tuzi

Poornimechaa chandra chakora jeevan 

Taisay maaze mana vaat paahe

Diwalichyaa muLaa leki aasaavali 

Paahatasay vaatuli Pandharichi 

Bhookeliyaa baaLa ati shoka kari 

Vaat paahe pari Maaulichi 

Tukaa mhaNe maja laagalisay bhook 

Dhaavoni Shree Mukha daavi devaa

Bheti laagi jeeva laagalisay aasa

Thus the saints try to simplify their relationship with God for common people to understand. The intensity of their emotions is just as strong and real yet the difference is that they have cultivated this bond with the Universal Spirit instead of with their family or friends. This bond has allowed them to maintain a healthy detachment from people. 

The lesson from this and similar abhangas is to divert one’s emotional energy towards a goal that is beyond finite entities. Contrary to what one may imagine, doing such a conscious shift of focus does not render one’s heart to become insensitive to fellow living beings. It actually makes it more perceptive of other’s situations and hardships. Because you have slowly removed personal gain from the equation. 

I recently coined an apt phrase for the “personal gain seeking behavior” of my mind. I have labeled it “ what about me?” ( there is a sarcastic tone in that). Every time the mind comes up with a thought standing on the shoulders of my deh buddhi, I tag it as a “ what about me” thought. For example, my friends are meeting to celebrate someone’s birthday and I am left out of the invite. That’s a “ what about me” thought when it crosses my mind. At my department meeting the chief mentioned the contributions of several of my colleagues but not a word about me. That’s a “ what about me” thought. At a family wedding my cousin gifted beautiful sarees to the women in the family but I didn’t get anything. Another “ what about me” thought. When such thoughts are consistently mocked at, what is the consequence? You learn to rise above pettiness and don’t harbor misgivings about anything or anyone in your mind. Because you didn’t store the ill feelings you are able to meet everyone with a pure heart. You don’t want anything from anyone. All your hopes and expectations are pinned on the Supreme Being. You have anchored your emotions there.

That’s why Tukaram Maharaj can bring out his feelings of being neglected, being forgotten, unabashedly towards Vitthala. That’s the only one his heart cares about for himself. He can complain, he can plead, he can beg and he can wait in quiet suffering. In that entire circus there is an unfailing remembrance of God. That is the highest form of devotion, highest order of living.

Hechi daan degaa devaa tuzaa visar na vhaavaa!

Grant me this one wish oh Lord that I may never forget you!! 

Saree is a handloom cotton weave from the state of Bihar, the Bavan Butti.