Holiday Season : Part 1

 

लाखों तारे आसमान में, एक मगर ढूँढे ना मिला 

देखके दुनिया की दीवाली, दिल मेरा चुपचाप जला

In a sky studded with millions of stars I looked for one yet couldn’t find that one. As I watched the world celebrate the Festival of Lights, my heart burned quietly.

( A duet from the movie Hariyali aur Rasta)

Suraj ko dharti tarase 

Dharti ko chandrama 

Pani mein dweep jaisi 

Pyasi har atma 

O mitwa re 

Boond chhupi kis badal mein

Koi jaane na

The Earth yearns for the Sun

The Moon is thirsty for the Earth

( hence each keeps revolving around the other but the distance remains.)

Each soul is thirsty like an island in the sea.

There is water all around but not a drop to drink. 

Each waits for the clouds to appear but no one can be sure which cloud would bring water to quench the thirst. 

Aa laut ke aaja mere meet

 tuze mere geet bulate hain

Mera soona pada re sangeet 

 tuze mere geet bulate hain

Come back to me my love

My music has gone silent ( without you) 

My songs beckon you to return 

What is common to the above 3 songs ? 

They have the soulful voice of the singer Mukesh.

But there is another thing that is common to them.

Loneliness. 

We are in the midst of the Holiday season here and in a large part around the world. Despite anticipation of vacation, however, not everyone finds cheer during the holidays. In my field of work each year invariably I meet individuals who see an escalation of symptoms of anxiety, grief, depression. Underlying the various symptoms is a deep sense of loneliness. No matter how much they try to beat the blues they can’t do it by themselves.

Paradoxically, the season of celebration with family and friends exposes lonely hearts ! After seeing a few patients with this syndrome this year it got me thinking. The interesting part is that not everyone who feels lonely is alone. There are people who live surrounded by supportive families and friends yet experience loneliness. They can’t always express and sometimes even fail to recognize the hollow in their hearts. 

Human mind often lives in so much ignorance that it doesn’t know how to constructively navigate through the loneliness. Loneliness causes a feeling of incompleteness and/or suffering. The mind unconsciously sets to get rid of these unpleasant feelings.

As the lonely person carries on with life in search for happiness or someone who can bring the happiness that’s missing, they tap into several things within their reach. People, activities, objects. 

Often other people around are also carrying on with their lives. No one has time to spare. Even if they do spare time occasionally they can’t stay forever humoring another.

जिसे भी देखिए वो अपने आप मे गुम है

जूबा मिली है मगर हुंजुबा नही मिलता

The modes of adaptation vary from person to person. I have seen people retreat into a shell of isolation from the loneliness. They battle depression and anxiety, frequently miss work. Unable to get a handle on their emotions some are irritable, easily upset, distracted from people around them. Others are overly friendly and approach strangers without inhibitions. Some take refuge in substances like alcohol, cigarettes or drugs. Some deliberately take up extra work to keep busy. Some go on drives or hikes into nature. A few develop personal hobbies and find solace there. Some enter relationships without a full understanding of themselves, at times notwithstanding existing relationships. Not surprisingly those relationships either don’t last long or don’t achieve the desired outcome. Net result, more often the loneliness disappears only for a short time. Quick fixes don’t bring lasting benefits.

In all above scenarios there is one common problem. There is a certain dependency on an external factor. 

Mind seems to say I am incomplete without that external factor. And really surrenders its ability to stand independently. Take away the alcohol from the alcoholic and he will go into withdrawal. Restrain a workaholic from working or a hiker from hiking and they will be miserable. 

It gets even more complex when the dependency is on another person.

Few people are inclined to go deeper and take whatever time and efforts it would take to find their true self. The results are amazing when you find your spiritual center. Not only it proves as an antidote to loneliness it gives you a better understanding of other people and puts you in a position to help rather than need help. There are so many additional benefits to it than one could imagine. It brings a burst of productive energy, a sense of purpose, more clarity to life and what’s beyond life.

In any case let us be more sensitive during the season of cheer to stand in solidarity with those who for one reason or another feel left out. Let us recognize our own dependence on things outside of ourselves and try a bit more real independence in the year ahead. 

Saree is a cotton weave from Assam, a gift of love from someone who went from being a virtual acquaintance to friend in real life. Aparna Kanbur Hebbani. She lives in Brisbane Australia but notwithstanding the global or hemispheric distance our hearts are connected. 

Assam has a traditional scarf called Gamosa or Gamusa which is gifted as a symbol of honor for guests or dignitaries. The traditional design of a gamusa is adapted to create this featured saree. It has sone popular Assamese motifs woven into it like the japi ( farmer’s hat), bugle,drum and joon biri.