Tumhe Dillagi : Part 5

 

Tumhen dil lagi bhool jani padegi

Part 5

Tough Love

Jafa′ein bahut ki bahut zulm Dhaye 

Kabhi ek nigah-e-karam iss taraf bhi 

Hamesha huey dekh kar mujh ko barham 

Kisi din zara muskura kar to dekho

( please start with part 1. This is part 5 of 7)

Jafa′ein = cruelty, oppression, injustice, violence

bahut= many

ki = did

bahut = many

zulm = crimes

dhaye = thrust, subjected to Kabhi = sometime

ek = one

nigah-e-karam = glance of affection or benevolence

Iss =this

taraf = direction

bhi= too Hamesha= always

huey = became

dekh kar = upon seeing

mujh ko = at me

barham = upset Kisi = some

din = day

zara = a bit

muskura kar to dekho= smile and see

When two people are in a long term relationship there are bound to be grievances, small or big, between the two. Their love seals the outer boundaries hence a third person is not called in to intervene mostly. This is part of the divine play or Leela. There are stories about Radha getting upset over trivial matters with Krishna and refusing to talk to him. Rukmini stood away from Vitthala accusing him of giving more attention and time to his devotees. 

Here the Lord is pleading with his consort saying I have borne your wrath, suffered cruel treatment over a period of time. I beg you to grant me an occasional glance of benevolence too. The sight of me always makes you upset. Once in a while look at me with a smile. Show me grace.

In day to day life of ordinary people there are so many stressors. Family problems, financial difficulties, work stress, social pressure, health scares. A decent person does not go about getting cross with everyone he/she meets. But the threshold for losing temper lowers in the presence of someone who is closest to you. Even though you love the person dearly it becomes convenient and habitual to vent all frustrations there without realizing fully what one is doing. Even though the other person takes everything in his/ her stride, and fully aware that love is still alive, at some point he/she craves for a display of affection that underlies the anger. 

Where God is concerned, not everyone even acknowledges HE exists. Even out of those who believe in HIM , not all make HIM their priority.  Their desires, goals, passions are all directed towards the world of physical objects. When they need something they pray to God. They don’t realize when entitlement gets better of them. When things don’t go right they blame God for the troubles. Like a good parent or lover HE simply waits and hopes that occasionally someone will turn to HIM without any hidden agenda, desires or complaints, just to express gratitude, love and respect. Just with a smile on the face for HIS PRESENCE in their life and nothing else. 

From the perspective of an individual who has been a lifelong spiritual seeker or true devotee the definition of hardships and nature of grievances towards God are of a different kind. Such aspirant’s personal journey has God as its focus. Moments that brought separation from the thoughts of God or deviation from behavior that was expected from a true devotee can cause intense grief or guilt to the aspirant. The aspirant feels a deep connection with God and with that “right” or ownership over God, he/she may even accuse God for abandoning him/her when most needed or doing wrong to himself/ herself. This is a playful exchange between God and devotee in the context of those roles enacted within their consciousness. The nature of suffering and understanding of offense in this context is much different from the ordinary human interpretation and cannot be understood by others. It is only between God and his devotee.

Saree is another Dabu printed cotton silk chanderi with ghicha border