Learnings of a lifetime: Part 1

 


Spending the last few days by myself in Pune before returning to Bakersfield. I realize this solitude is precious and will likely not be available to me when I’m with my family. The privilege to contemplate without interruption is what makes this arrangement special. 


In the empty moments when I am not in a mood for reading or contemplation the mind appears to be in a disarray. There is lurking anxiety about the pending issues in Khopoli as well as a jitter about the impending travel and transition. It helps that I am able to recognize this and shake it off with some effort and understanding. And most importantly that faith holds me through the worst moments.

It is full moon day today and occasion of Hanuman Jayanti. A trip to Khopoli was postponed to tomorrow. I take the free time to note down some thoughts that have been going through my mind.

I spent almost 8 months out of the last 11 months in India. What do I feel? What has been my experience? 

I cannot put the experience into categories of good and bad. It’s a whole experience. I will write separately another day about the situation I see with the medical field. Current social situation is in rapid motion from many angles and stagnant from others. The common working man or woman is trying to get past the day and couldn’t care much about what is happening around them until it happens to them. Inter-community hatred and finger pointing is perhaps the most disturbing I’ve seen and disturbingly magnified on social media where people go about without filters. Both living and dead people are not spared from the rants filled with hatred. Politicians have historically never bothered to ease the problem. Quite the contrary is true. Communal rivalry is played upon for the benefit of the political parties. Entire generations seem to be gliding through the darkness of such senselessness. There is a huge potential for someone to start working at grass root levels to intervene and make people think. Why so much hatred? What good is it doing for you? You have options to think differently and include your fellow global citizens into what you believe is your community. Of course such a person would be a man of God. A man who has no personal agenda other than work for larger good. Problem with today’s world is that the individual factions will demand to know specifically this is a man of WHICH or WHOSE God ?
Just like hatred, mistrust runs deep into the cores of human beings. Ironically they don’t question their own beliefs and judgement. History tells us that a new religion was established when the need arose to clear the mess created by existing religions. The wise would know that the new religion would be equally flawed at some point and the real answer to the problem is to look past any organized religion. No religion is better or worse than another. Problem with each is that its word is insufficient to convey its essence. Common level intelligence gets stuck with the spoken and written word. 

Words like humanity or godliness need an understanding capacity beyond a descriptive limit. The entire mess in the world is because human intelligence trusts description more than intuition. Intuition that pertains to material matters like money or real estate markets are given credence. But intuition related to goodwill, peace, harmony, spiritual fulfillment is frowned upon and treated with suspicion. A person with an uncommon degree of spiritual intuition cannot hold ground amidst ordinary people unless he/ she is prepared for a long haul struggle. One must know what he is getting into before entering the battlefield or better to stand quietly as a witness. Even if he can prevent himself from being corrupted by the currents around him that would be good enough contribution towards the universe. If he/ she could inspire just one more person to do the same that would be a bonus achievement. 

As my thoughts hovered over these glaring existential issues my mind went back to think of Anna Sathe, my uncle who had a big influence on me as a teenager.  There was something definitely special about Anna and his wife Kamal Sathe who I referred to as Mami. At that age I couldn’t have put my finger on why they were special if anyone asked. Today if I was asked the same question it would boil down to one simple philosophy that Anna had shared with me in those days. One should live thinking “ I am for the world, world is not for me.” 

Anna’s philosophy has two parts. The world is not for me! That’s the easier part. What my mind as a teenager interpreted this phrase was don’t depend on the world. Don’t expect anything from anyone. They don’t owe you anything. As you can guess, what this did was it made me fiercely independent. Physically, mentally and financially. I realize that this made me extra careful to repay others for smallest of favors, or services received. Many times to a degree of discomfort for both parties. It is only more recently that I am learning to occasionally accept the concept of “ I will choose to live indebted to someone for their love and generosity than attempt to repay.” It is still not easy for me though. When people do things for me for free or extend big favors without expecting anything in return I don’t know how to react. My brain can’t process these situations very well. 

While I fared well with physical, intellectual and financial independence, my weakness was the emotional part. If world is not for me and I need emotional support for my day to day existence where do I look for it? That was when I turned to God. To spirituality. After some significant incidences early in life, I refused to invest emotional dependence in any mortal being. That was both good and bad. Good because I went deeper and deeper into the bond with God. Bad because I remained aloof from everyone around me. Despite caring for many I couldn’t establish a connection like people do. My intellect often overshadows my tender feelings when I interact with people. I sense the shortcoming. I am trying to figure out ways to work on it without becoming dependent. It’s not easy.

Now the difficult part of Anna’s life mantra is the first half. 
I am for the world! 
What this literally means is I am here to serve.

Because it came from Anna and I adored him I instantly believed it. I adopted it deep inside and have lived with this principle. Yet even my naive teenage self had enough street smartness to realize that if you let the world see that you are here to serve they will make you serve them your flesh and blood at every opportunity. I certainly did not want to become the proverbial “ bechara bhala admi “. Perhaps it was Mother Nature’s way to instil this instinct in the woman in me to survive the challenges that lay ahead.

My young mind navigated through life exploring the reality in that one sentence. It wasn’t as easy as it appears on the surface. At ground level, living as a woman even in the 21st century is not easy. Living as a married or single woman in India carries its unique set of challenges. If that isn’t enough, living as an Indian woman who is raising children in a western country takes the challenges to another level. I am not even bringing in the equation of a woman involved in a highly demanding profession.

I guess the reader can get a glimpse into the person I became as a result. A woman who valued her freedom more than anything else. A woman who had the courage to think independently and not buy into herd mentality. A woman who expected nothing for herself in terms of recognition, wealth etc. A woman who inherited eastern traditions yet spent most of her adult life in the USA. Who loved India dearly and revered her traditions but wasn’t blind to the fact that her kids will have to navigate their lives and create their identities differently from hers. Whose dive into the world of spiritual truths allowed her to see the world much differently than the majority. Why she stood on the shore as a witness to everything that happened around her. She swam in the ocean of the world and at the same time didn’t swim like most people do. She stopped fearing drowning long time before her physical death. She cared for people despite the cold front she presented. She stopped caring if they thought she is cold. But she didn’t stop caring for them. 

She can tell you that it takes a special skill to navigate your life insisting on your own freedom, including creative freedom, while taking care that you do not hinder the freedom of others. Especially the freedom of those closest to you. 

It certainly takes very special skills to live by Anna’s philosophy and emerge alive and uncompromised at the end of the road.
“ I am for the world, the world is not for me.”
I am still trying to hone the skills for this way of life. Only God would know and Anna would know how much progress I made thus far. 

Lately the mind seems to summarize life experiences and conclusions and tries to put it in a mental capsule.
 What is the value of life? One way to look at it is the experience any individual gathers during his lifetime is the value he or she carries. It doesn’t have to be the President of a first world country or the Pope or a Nobel Prize winning scientist or literary scholar. Even a janitor may have a wealth of intuitive experience as a human being as another socially prominent person. It is this unique experience that he brings to the table. It washes away with him when he dies. The world loses much wealth with every intuitive person who accumulated experience while treading on earth. Experience nurtures wisdom and wisdom is the essence of life. We fondly recall our loved ones after they pass away. We talk of their virtues and their achievements and their love for us. But fail to tap them when they are alive to give us the summary of their experiences. Anna was kind enough to give me his life experience in that one sentence.

As it turns out, words of the saints contain a filtered concentrate of the experience of millions of wise people who lived on earth. 

Life just slides by for each of us. Few take time to pick the gems strewn across it. 

Note: I anticipate in the future I may have a few things to share related to learnings of a lifetime. Hence started by saying Part 1 for this post. 

Saree is a printed mixed fabric , a gift of love from a dear friend in Pune. 

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