Awareness

 

Awareness:

There was a brief moment earlier this week when I experienced awareness like never before. It was stand alone. Sheer awareness. Not the thought of awareness but awareness itself. Intellect with its complex mechanics seemed to have temporarily drifted away, like algae from a lake. I was reminded of the Dawki river in Meghalaya. The waters were so clear that you could see the river bed. Individual pebbles could be discerned from each other. And yet the beauty of it all as a whole was so overpowering that you didn’t care to focus on any one stone in the river. 

What I am about to write is from an intellectual standpoint yet the experience of it is within hand’s reach. The entire day at work saw a plethora of emotions and attitudes within me. I allowed it to flow without the least of inhibition. There were moments of laziness when mind declared I don’t want to work today. I said fine. The next moment it decided it would work afterall. I said fine. I saw a patient had checked in seeking weight loss medication. And the mind said  I don’t write these medication, she is going to not like to hear that. It was ready for an unpleasant exchange. I let it go into the room with that attitude. Yet it didn’t turn into an unpleasant exchange. I browsed Instagram during lunch break. The ongoing saga of the Ambani wedding playing in IG reels got the mind irritated and nauseated. Even envy peeked briefly. I didn’t add any words of wisdom to deflect the feelings. The feelings just glided away as smoothly as they had come. Many other reels came into view as I scrolled. Some about exotic places, others about cute babies and pets, some about yummy foods, others about sarees. They all evoked different emotions and desires . Again I gave the mind full freedom and let it behave like it wanted. I will admit I was surprised to discover that underneath its wild impulses there was actually a very sensible executive who carried out the tasks at hand in a very smooth, confident and pleasant manner. Both the parts, the unrefined and refined worked seamlessly under the same umbrella of awareness and neither caused trouble or required any goading. At the end of the day as I reflected on this experiment everything else in the world that I have ever known about came under this huge umbrella and everything seemed to be alright. Strife and peace coexisted just like the two opposite sides of my own mind. 

I felt like I have been set free today. From myself. 

Saree is a cotton jamdani from West Bengal.