It ain’t easy !

 If there is a book or a text besides the Bhagwad Gita( and its commentary in the Dnyaaneshwari) that has had a deep impact on me it is Muktabai’s Taatiche Abhang. I have already posted my exhaustive thoughts on this series of abhang. Yet this is hardly something that I will be ever done with. Small pieces of it stand up and provoke thinking from time to time. 

Yogi paawan manaacha !!

This three-word phrase encompasses a vast expanse of philosophy, a deep mine for thought and a lofty goal to attain.

The entire subject of BramhaVidya or knowledge of the All Pervading Reality is at the heart of the Bhagwad Gita. Yogi stands in that context. One who is adept in BramhaVidya is a Yogi.

Being adept in any knowledge is the function of the intellect. It refers to the intellectual power of comprehension, assimilation and transformation. Through extensive study even an average student can acquire reasonable understanding of a subject. 

But that is not to be mixed up with other faculties of the human behavior like compassion, humility, charity, etc. These are quite independent of intellectual abilities.

The painful thing about gaining a clearer consciousness is that one’s shortcomings become more visible to oneself. On one hand you know that yes now I certainly have a good idea about Reality or Brahman, I can see the folly in identifying myself with my physical appearance, emotions or thoughts. Yet simultaneously you find yourself struggling with the awareness that this lower self, the one that is my currency in the practical world falls short of kindness or charity and many other virtues of the saints. How do I overcome these shortcomings? Certainly no amount of study of the holy texts has eradicated the wrong tendencies in me. Will more study ever do the job?

On one side is the lament and helplessness about this situation. On the other, there is renewed and strengthened adoration for Dnyaaneshwar. Yogi Pawan Manacha !! How special is that !! The brain begins to grasp better how rare it is to find these two qualifications in a single person! It also understands why any one without the other is just not enough! What’s the use of acquiring BramhaVidya when you lack a kind heart or get easily provoked to lose temper? 

A few recent examples of where the shortcomings were evident.

I was in the busy shopping area in the heart of Pune city yesterday when I walked past a small shop selling phone accessories. I remembered I needed a screen protector for my phone. I stopped to ask for one. It was a family owned shop. Father, mother and a daughter( probably in her early twenties) were running the business. The daughter answered my query and asked for my phone. As I handed it to her I saw she held it with fingers on the camera. I have always handled phones with utmost care and particular attention to not ever touch the camera so it doesn’t get fingerprints and doesn’t need frequent wiping. It was a reflex reaction to express my displeasure at her handling of the phone. “Don’t touch the camera “ I retorted bluntly. She did not take it well. She thought I am being condescending for having a good phone. Immediately she pulled out her phone and said “ I have the same phone”. I could have stayed quiet. But I was quite irritated, partly because I had been walking in extreme heat and had low threshold for anything at the moment. I responded with a smug “ you can handle your phone anyway you want”,  leaving the “ don’t touch the camera on my phone” part unspoken. We left it at that. She and her mother were getting ready to go someplace and they did. The dad helped me with the screen protector. As I was leaving he couldn’t resist giving me a piece of his mind “ We handle phones all the time. There is no need to worry about touching the camera. It can be wiped off easily.” 

I still don’t believe in touching the camera casually. But that is hardly the point here.

Point is that my obsession over keeping the camera out of direct contact had caused me to lose my cool and speak to someone in an unkind manner. 

The second incident was at home today. It has been rather hot for the last week and intermittently I have been turning the AC on when the fan alone proves insufficient. This morning too I turned the AC on. Over an hour or so later I noticed I had left a window wide open while the AC was running. My immediate reaction, to myself in the head, “ are you crazy or what ?”, before rushing to shut the window. It was quite forceful in its tone.

The rhetoric struck me. This is my ground reality? Well, that’s a problem. 

How do I get rid of the problem?

How do I change my default settings?

Such inadequacies do bother and continue to prick frequently. The one thought that keeps it from losing hope is a verse from The Bhagwad Gita: ( chapter 9 verse 22): 

 अनन्‍याश्चिन्‍तयन्‍तो मां ये जना: पर्युपासते । तेषां नित्‍याभियुक्‍तानां योगक्षेमं वहाम्यहम्

Those who single mindedly worship me, divert their thought to me, serve me, I provide for them.

The terms Yoga and kshema in this verse are used in specific context. Yoga is to acquire what you lack and kshema means to protect what you have. 

I never bothered to memorize all verses of the Gita even though I have tried to study it since an early age. But there are a few verses that have struck a chord with me and impacted deeper than others. This verse is one of them.

The Good Lord has never failed me. What was needed always came into my life and what was essential was protected. So now if I recognize these deficiencies surely He will show the means for overcoming them. I must hold on to this thread. 

I know God helps those who help themselves. We ask for wisdom but it can’t come unless we are ready to receive it. How do I help myself here? 

There is a lot of work to do to become anything like yogi paawan manaacha !! 

When I write this it is really my personal diary. When I put it on the blog I am aware a few people would be reading this. And yet I share. There are a few reasons for this. I know that the people who would take time to read a blog that often deals with topics on spiritual matters would be a different lot from most people. They would be more forgiving of my faults. 

Secondly baring the faults may lead to eliminating them out of shame.

Thirdly it may provide a road map to someone after me. It may help them understand that becoming a better person is not instantaneous. It is a long arduous journey. Nor is it an accident or miracle. You have to sweat it out. It is easy to put your best foot forward in public and protect a dark side behind the doors. That does not take you anywhere and always holds a possibility that the dark side will be exposed one day. If you must become a good human being, instead of appear as one, then you must acknowledge the good, bad and ugly side of yourself.