Akherche yetil mazya

 

अखेरचे येतिल माझ्या हेच शब्द ओठी
लाख चुका असतिल केल्या, केली पण प्रीती

The last words that will come to my lips are that I may have made thousands of mistakes yet I loved (you) truly.

This song by the poet Mangesh Padgaonkar belongs to the genre of bhaav geet, which are emotional and generally romantic songs. If considered from a spiritual context, it seems to address the doubt people often have about devotion and devotees with serious flaws. To give an example ,I have seen skepticism about people who were into drugs or alcohol at one point and turn to God for emancipation. Can a person with glaring faults be said to have real devotion for God ? Or is it escapism? 

A couple of verses in the Bhagwad Gita frequently stir up similar controversies. 

Does God defend evil or wayward people just because they claim to be his devotees? 

Chapter 9 verse 30 is one of them. Another one is verse 36 in chapter 4.

अपि चेत्सुदुराचारो भजते मामनन्यभाक् ।

 साधुरेव स मन्तव्यः सम्यग्व्यवसितो हि सः ॥ ९-३०॥ 

Even if the most sinful worships Me, with devotion to none else, (or with single-pointedness) , he too should indeed be regarded as righteous, for he has rightly resolved.

अपि चेदसि पापेभ्य: सर्वेभ्य: पापकृत्तम: |
सर्वं ज्ञानप्लवेनैव वृजिनं सन्तरिष्यसि || 36||

api ched asi papebhyah sarvebhyah papa-krit-tamah sarvam jnana-plavenaiva vrijinam santarishyasi 

Lord Krishna tells Arjuna that even those who have done the most immoral sins can cross the ocean of material existence, or life on earth, with the boat of divine knowledge

 The message here is that once you turn your attention and goal towards devotion, your evil tendencies slowly begin to weaken and you begin to transform into a better person. What is necessary is resolution. If there is a will to change for good, it will be rewarded in due time. It does not imply that the person will not first endure the consequences of prior wrongdoings nor that he would change into a man of perfection overnight. It will be a gradual yet consistent change towards betterment. God does not turn these people away based on past mistakes. 

Only a person who becomes aware of his own imperfections has incentive to strive for perfection. Such a person who remembers his humble beginnings is also more likely to or at least begin to understand the imperfections in other people.

 People are often not entirely unaware of their personal flaws yet what is missing in them is really a conscious owning of these flaws. Possibly it frightens them to acknowledge the faults because the next logical onus would be to own these. It becomes more convenient then to just bury them into the subconscious. This is the real escapism. Conscious owning and acting upon one’s weaknesses is what surrender is all about. It takes courage. And sometimes the person surrendering is not even aware of his own courage. He just goes about doing it because he realizes that’s the right thing to do.

इथे सुरू होण्याआधी संपते कहाणी
साक्षीला केवळ उरते डोळ्यांतिल पाणी
जखम उरी होते ज्यांच्या तेच गीत गाती

Each of us lives on borrowed time. We live in a world bound by time. We invest emotions in people we meet. Even if we pretend to forget, we very well know that the people we love will not be here forever nor will we. Thus the fate of any love story in a mortal world is always doomed.

As GD Madgulkar succinctly states 

दोन ओंडक्यांची होते सागरात भेट ।

 एक लाट तोडी दोघा पुन्हा नाही गाठ ।

 क्षणिक तेवी आहे बाळा मेळ माणसांचा !

 पराधीन आहे जगती पुत्र मानवाचा…

Two logs meet by chance in the vast ocean. It takes one wave to throw them apart and they never meet again. Thus the union of people is only momentary. 

Destiny dictates our lives. Parting is inevitable and written on the wall even before the story begins. Each of us lives on borrowed time. 

In another of his poems Padgaonkar writes: 

फुलून येता फूल बोलले
मी मरणावर हृदय तोलले
नव्हते नंतर परि निरंतर गंधित झाली माती

A flower when it blossoms out of a bud is aware of its short existence. Yet it fulfills its purpose of displaying color, attracting bees and spreading fragrance in the surroundings. When it withers away these qualities of the present moment disappear, yet the fragrance lingers in the soil and serves as proof that the flower existed once upon a time.

Similarly when a love story arrives at the end, the only tangible proof stands in the form of tears in the eyes of those who experienced the love. No other proof comes close nor is necessary. Those who loved and were loved sustain the wound in their hearts upon parting. Yet these wounded hearts are ones that cherish and sing the song of love. 

The poet seems to be making a compelling argument that even if there is certainty of pain in loving someone, any person who has sensitivity in their heart and awareness in their mind must take a dip into a life of love to experience the highest feelings of love and loss. You won’t know how it feels until you have done it yourself. 

सर्व बंध तोडुनि जेव्हा नदी धुंद धावे
मीलन वा मरण पुढे हे तिला नसे ठावे
एकदाच आभाळाला अशी भिडे माती

The pull of love is so strong that nothing can stop someone away from it. The poet employs the river as a metaphor to describe this intense drive to reach the object of love. Tiding over mountains and rocky terrain, narrow creeks and wide basins, through forests and open fields, not withstanding steep falls or dams, the river proves unstoppable and gushes in the direction of the ocean. Reason and judgment, opposition or obstruction, fail to curb the momentum once love consumes the heart. The river doesn’t stop to ponder over the consequences. She doesn’t care to consider whether the point where she joins the ocean will be a meeting point or the point where her existence will entirely end.

After giving an idea of the intensity and state of mind of the river as she rushes to empty into the ocean, the poet now extrapolates this to the feeling of a human soul. A devotee who seeks to go into the arms of God is described by yet another metaphor, that of the earth rising effusively to meet the sky. At that point the boundaries get blurred and Heaven and Earth become one. Individual soul merges with the universal soul.

गंध दूर ज्याचा आणिक जवळ मात्र काटे
असे फूल प्रीती म्हणजे कधी हाय वाटे
तरी गंध धुंडित धावे जीव तुझ्यासाठी

For someone who may be misled into thinking that the journey of love is a flowery bed of romance and joy, the poet cautions with another beautiful analogy. For a flower, it often appears as if thorns remain in closer proximity while fragrance tends to blow farther away. The metaphor neatly captures the reality that hardships come to a lover’s lot much more than joys. Yet such is the compelling momentum of love that this crazy lover doesn’t mind spending an entire lifetime in the hopes of happiness while chasing after the beloved. 

आर्त गीत आले जर हे कधी तुझ्या कानी

गुज अंतरीचे कथिले तुला या स्वरांनी
डोळ्यांतून माझ्यासाठी लाव दोन ज्योती

I may be unknown to you, distant from you, unseen by you. Yet my heart pines for you. This song is an expression of the deepest secrets of my soul. If it ever reaches you, I hope it will light up your eyes. It is the poet’s hope that God will show mercy, compassion, forgiveness and grace towards him despite his insignificance and his flaws. It is the story of unconditional love that he tells through this song. Love that seeks something in return before total surrender is not love. A river expects nothing from the ocean except to accept her within himself. Similar is the stance of a true devotee. He has left everything behind for the sake of God. In the last moment of surrender he acknowledges with utmost humility that I am not at all perfect. I do not claim to be worthy of being the best of your servants. Yet my heart has loved you earnestly without seeking anything in return. My tears in the final moments, are filled with gratitude and love for you and touched by your infinite kindness. These tears are the only testimony of my love. Hope you will understand and accept my heart and my service and take me into your infinite being.

From a philosophical perspective the “ last moment” is to understand the essential identity of the person or object of your love. The understanding is complete if you see Brahman in the person you love and then realize that that is your essential identity too. 

Tat tvam asi !

Then, Aham Brahmasmi!

Not only the two of you, but everyone and everything around you is the same Brahman!!

Sarva Khalvidam Brahma !

 Until you truly arrive at this last moment, you exist in the world of duality created by Maya and must follow the human path of love and respect for “others” !! Once you know there aren’t any “others” you realize Brahman loves and respects itself. In other words, love and respect are inherent to Brahman. Hate and disrespect are markers of avidya( ignorance). 

Note: If you haven’t heard this song, listen to its poignant rendition in the soothing voice of Mr. Arun Date. Music composed by Mr. Yashwant Deo.

Saree is a printed mulberry silk picked out for me by my parents from a shop in Dadar, Mumbai more than 20 years back. Its warm earthy tones always soothe the heart and connect to the two people who loved me unconditionally.