Separation Anxiety

 

This evening, like many evenings, I caught a glimpse of the sun before it went down behind the home of my neighbor across the street. There are days when I catch on to the light but the sun has already gone out of sight. I feel bad about missing it. A silly sense of loss grips the mind and I tell myself I’ll look out for the sun the next morning. Somehow I have always been drawn to the sun, whether at sunrise or before sunset. Mid day too the sun means a divine presence but it is physically difficult to stare at it. Sunrise and sunset moments are thus particularly dear because a direct glance and silent conversation is possible with the sun. 

Today’s glimpse, right on time, was no different. It brought the same elation and satisfaction to be in the present moment with direct view of the sun. It was in my mind a direct witnessing of God, a manifestation of the divine principle. 

Yet I was reminded of other recent days when I had felt disappointed upon missing the glance of the setting sun. That regret of being a few moments late to witness the last rays from the golden globe was fresh in my memory. In that spontaneous moment I told God, let me no more seek you in places or sights that are not going to be steady and consistent. Let me be able to seek you in such a place that is not wrought with uncertainty and unpredictability. I do not want this up and down feeling of I have you now and I missed you now. I am sure He heard me!! The only such tangible thing I can think of where I can see Him is my breath !! 

Saree is a cotton silk Jamdani from West Bengal. I loved the earthy shade of brownish grey. Standing against the bark of the tree it is easy to miss the person because the colors blend with each other. Something similar happens with our breath. It is a precious commodity yet it evades our attention and we believe it is synonymous with our physical body.