In Absentia

 

I have been sort of delinquent for the past couple of months where my blog is concerned. Things were moving so rapidly on the physical front that it was hard to pause and write about everything. 

First the preparations for the wedding festivities in June, getting ready for receiving family and friends from India. This interrupted briefly by the rude surprise of a burglary at home that threw me into the unexpected chaos of freezing credit cards and bank accounts, getting new locks and keys for the home, car, mailbox and what not. The uncomfortable feeling of items of personal identity being stolen. But of course the wedding was so close that there wasn’t time to brood over this incident. 

The wedding went on smoothly by the grace of the Almighty. Haven’t had much time to reflect on that either because right after we wrapped up the events in Carlsbad we were off to Yellowstone National Park with guests from India. It was a beautiful week there but again, much too hectic, as I tried to make the most out of it so everyone could get maximum exposure to all the wonders the park has to offer. The wilderness, meadows, rivers, lakes, mountain ranges, canyons, waterfalls, geysers, glaciers, snow covered hills, winding roads, wildflowers, wildlife, they got to see it all. And then each one dispersed. 

I returned home to Bakersfield but only briefly. The bags were packed again for the 3 week long mother-daughter trip to Europe. The previous weeks had been so hectic that there hadn’t been much time to chalk out the details for this European adventure. For the first time ever a foreign trip was unfolding on an almost day to day basis. Barring a few pieces of the itinerary, where to go, where to stay, what to see was determined the night before. There were moments of uncertainty and anxiety that came with this unpreparedness but they were very few. For most part it was a delightful adventure. 

From mid May through mid August, a quarter of a year had swiftly flown by. Through this whirlwind period, surprisingly, internal search and growth continued uninterrupted and in full swing. The realizations were getting more refined, more focused and more subtle by the day. In fact so subtle and personal that it was nearly impossible to express them in words like I’ve been able to do until this point. Even as I was having heart to heart conversations with Amita I was gaining insights for myself. On one particular occasion I was counseling her to distinguish between “ identify” and “ identify with “! I am not sure she pondered over this after our conversation but I certainly did! 

‘Identify’ Vs ‘Identify With’ something or anything is really at the heart of self realization! That moment when even the thought about this issue becomes something one can identify as outside of oneself you know your pure self devoid of all adjectives and titles. 

These are life changing moments that are just impossible to describe any further. They unburden you unlike anything before. Yes all the recent events were beautiful and memorable….the wedding, the national park, the beautiful Scottish highlands, the dainty towns in Belgium and the fun filled adventures in the Netherlands. But none of these come close to the fullness of the experience of the naked self stripped of all physical and mental attributes! I would not trade it for anything else. I will say this that life has never been more simplified for me than it has been in the recent days. It has gained a rhythmic flow and at the same time it has achieved an unprecedented stillness.

 I get a feeling that my writing is going to see a change because perception is going through some major shift. I seem to be moving into entirely unknown territory. Much like the recent European adventure. 

Saree is a prize winning ikat from National Award winning weaver from Odisha, Mr Dayalu Meher and his wife Swarnalata Meher who is also a National Award winner. It has several auspicious motifs depicted all over the body. These traditional motifs are seen as jhoti Alpana on the mud walls in rural Odisha. Many upcoming weavers lately are seen copying the original designs of celebrated weavers and selling them for lower prices luring away customers. Such brazen acts of theft of intellectual property are not easy to curb. But discerning eyes can tell the difference between a fine vs crude work of ikat. It has been my good fortune to have this saree in my collection. Hoping that after me it will pass into the hands of someone who values the finesse of Indian Handloom. I had carried it all the way to Europe recently but it never got its chance there. Instead I draped this last weekend to attend the 90th birthday celebration of a friend’s mother.