Sheela

When I newyl met the Risbuds in 1990 I was introduced to all except one. Sheela. She lived in San Diego,California. 

In the 1970s women in engineering colleges were not heard of. Families that sent daughters to engineering schools were looked upon as out of their minds. Notwithstanding these pressures and stereotypes Sheela went on to get a degree in Telecommunications Engineering( present day Electronics Engineering) from the prestigious College of Engineering in Pune. Once she arrived in the USA after marriage she had no difficulty getting hired at NASA. The brilliance was unmistakable. And it shone even after she quit NASA to move to California. She efficiently lent her support to her husband’s business endeavors from manufacturing airplane parts to other things.

Five months after I was married she arrived in India with her younger son Jay for vacation. The minute she saw me she whispered to Abhay : she is lovely.

Her stamp of approval was not superficial. She had truly welcomed me into her life, unconditionally. She had gifted me a very stylish black dress with small white print from the USA at the time. It was my favorite dress in those early days.

A few months later I arrived in the USA with my father. The two of us made a short visit to California. Sheela’s home sitting atop a hill, tucked into a cul de sac in La Mesa was a retreat. The view of the hillside and the ocean at a distance from her backyard deck on a clear day was a thing of great amazement. She would love doing laps in her pool. And she loved entertaining friends and family. I got introduced to her circle of close friends at my very first visit. And also to some of her choicest recipes. A cottage cheese salad with pineapple( Watergate Salad),  rawa ladoos, batata bhaaji, green chutney, cereal chivda, lemon pickle sabudana khichadi were some specialties in her kitchen. Her shrikhand was absolutely the best! I was a new bride and a hopeless cook. Looking back, besides what I learned from my father and my mother in law, the next person to influence my cooking was Sheelatai. To this day, the shrikhand I make is highly popular among my friends. I had learned it from her. 

That first trip to San Diego my father and I went to see Las Vegas with the Satputes. Just as we were to enter the outskirts of the city Sheela tai alerted me to touch up the face with lipstick, make up. It was all new to me. It almost seemed like those things were mandated to enter Las Vegas! Years later I had an amused memory of that incident. Nevertheless it reminds me of how chic and stylish Sheelatai was in those days. Her slender frame, delicate facial features, sweet smile, the short hair , sleek dresses and effortless charm come to mind today. 

Less than a year since that first visit, Abhay and me returned to California. This time a road trip from Chicago in our car during Abhay’s monthlong vacation. I was in the family way. When we arrived in San Diego my baby bump had become quite large. Sheela tai had enthusiastically hosted my first dohal jevan (baby shower). I felt so pampered. 

A few months later Amita arrived. Sheela loved babies. She absolutely indulged and pampered Amita. The crib from her sons passed down to Amita. Whenever we met, and that was quite frequent after we had moved to Los Angeles, she would hold Amita in her arms, play with her, feed her, give her toys, clothes and what not. Those were happy years. It was no different after Adwight arrived. The sweet atya pampered him just the same. 

The kids’ birthdays, Diwali, our anniversary, other festivities were celebrated together while we lived in Los Angeles. Our meetings became less frequent after we moved to Bakersfield but the bonds were tight despite the distance. 

Somewhere down the line we all endured tragedies. Loss of parents, siblings. Illnesses. Other ups and downs. But the mutual love and support was always strong. 

Life just happened. Kids grew up into adults. Sheela’s sons were married. Neel had two kids. Even they were growing up fast. We didn’t realize when we grew old. Sheela’s health was declining in the last two decades or so. It reached a point where she could no longer be cared at home. The family moved her into a skilled care home. Much to her disapproval. She protested forcefully. Even tried to run away from the place. This was nearly four years back. But eventually she settled in. She reached acceptance. That became her home. Her caregivers were good. Her family visited her frequently. 

In the past year however there was a very rapid decline in her health. She could barely reach out for food or drink, even barely walk from her room to the dining hall in the last six months. But her mind was sharp. She was absolutely aware of everything and everyone. 

I met her in mid July, just a week before going on the Europe vacation. I could see her decline. But she was upbeat. She took my hand in hers and said “ so happy to see you. Thank you for coming.” I had a hard time hiding my tears. What a beautiful woman and illness had reduced her to a dependent state. Yet her soul was still the same. Always kind to me. A second mother, after my mother in law. We took leave of her after spending some time at the dining table. Little did I know that it would be the last time I would be seeing her.

Yesterday while we were at a friend’s daughter’s wedding we got a text that Sheela isn’t doing good. A phone call later we learned she was on hospice. She had stopped eating for a few days and was fading away. This afternoon Jay told us, she had passed away peacefully around 12:30 pm. Her sons and husband were with her in the room. 

Quiet, elegant , kind and independent Sheela went away in a dignified manner. Quietly. Without fanfare. Her body was donated to UCSF for research. Family preferred no funeral formalities.

When I think of her I can feel love, respect and deep gratitude for her in my heart. She was the reason we were in this country to begin with. She was that link between India and America for me. She was my family in the USA before my family expanded. She meant so much to me. Quietly. Her memory is for me to cherish. 

I know you are in a better place now Sheela tai. I hope you know that I love you 😘🥰💕