Seven Colors of the rainbow

 

I was alone at home in Pune today and nothing much going on. Had a late breakfast of just tea and toast. The cleaning lady came by to sweep and mop. After she left I was back to being alone. Thoughts went back to what I said in the post yesterday about renewing social commitments in India to spread awareness of Preventive Care. I personally know so many selfless people who have devoted themselves to social causes but they do not speak about their work. I tend to write my thoughts and in the course of analyzing those thoughts I end up talking about what I do. I wondered if vocalizing the thoughts of such things is an act of ego? I hope not. Self doubt does peep into the mind frequently and questions every word that I bring forth. Not sure if that’s a good thing. Anyways.

As I was reflecting on the intention to pursue the goal of service, today an old song came to mind. This is from the movie Anand. Music director Salil Chowdhury has set a catchy tune to meaningful lyrics by renowned poet Gulzar. This is one of the few chirpier songs sung by Mukesh. The charming Rajesh Khanna immortalized this song as he sat lip synching at the piano surrounded by Amitabh Bachchan, Ramesh Deo and Seema Deo. Of these lovely people today only Mr Bachchan and Gulzar are amongst us.

मैंने तेरे लिए ही सात रंग के सपने चुने
सपने, सुरीले सपने
कुछ हँसते, कुछ ग़म के
तेरी आँखों के साये चुराए रसीली यादों ने

Maine tere liye hi saat rang ke sapne chune 

Sapne surile sapne…..

I have picked dreams, just for you! Dreams in seven colors. Dreams that are steeped in melody.

Kucchh hanste kucchh gamke

Teri aankhon ke saaye churaaye 

Rasili yaadon mein….

Some of these dreams are filled with laughter 

Some with sadness

Stealing the reflections from your eyes and packing them into fond memories.

As I mentioned yesterday somewhere along the way in the last two years I sensed that Indian society is not yet ready for embracing preventive care. It had, unbeknownst to me, dampened my spirit. Until a few days back I recovered my sense of purpose and felt determined to pursue the work notwithstanding the fact that the people for whom I am doing this do not value it. 

“I have picked dreams, just for you! Dreams of seven colors. Dreams filled with melody.”

Some are filled with hope and joy.

Some filled with sadness.

In these two years I have seen a few triumphs where college students gave up smoking after our awareness talks. Some women got their cervical cancer screening completed and their abnormal results were appropriately monitored and treated for favorable outcomes. 

And then there were other cases where in the midst of our campaign some women presented with advanced breast cancer with a dismal prognosis, one of them being my own first cousin who is the same age as me. The looks in the eyes of each person in these scenarios is etched into my memory. 

छोटी बातें
छोटी-छोटी बातों की है यादें बड़ी
भूले नहीं बीती हुई एक छोटी घड़ी

जनम-जनम से आँखें बिछाईं
तेरे लिए इन राहों में
ओ, मैंने तेरे लिए ही सात रंग के सपने चुने
सपने, सुरीले सपने

Chhoti baatein 

Chhoti chhoti baaton ki hain yaadein badi

Bhoolay nahin beeti huyi ek chhoti ghadi

Seemingly trivial things leave profound memories. A small moment gets etched into the mind forever.

Janam janam se aankhein bichhayi tere liye in raahon mein

From one life to another I have longed for you! Thought about you!

As this stanza played in my mind, a whole new thought took center stage. I have quite extensive memories of the life that has been. Dating as far back as when I must be 2.5 years old. Non specific events stand permanently stamped into my brain. But when I ask myself what has been your purpose in life all through this journey it’s an eerily empty feeling. Half of life thus far was spent without a clear purpose. A quarter after that was spent aligning to an as-yet-undefined purpose. Only in the last quarter did that purpose begin to take shape. 

“From one life to another I have longed for you! Thought about you!”

Who is that “you” for me?

I long for God, the force that sustains the universe and me. But I wish I could say I have longed for Him/ Her from one life to another! I walked in darkness until the first 20 or so years of this life. It was only after that when I began to slowly move towards light. 

Having acknowledged this, I wondered how many people pause at one point or another to ask themselves “what is my purpose in life? What/who do I long for?”

Janam janam se aankhein bichhayi tere liye in raahon mein

I suspect majority people go through several lifetimes in darkness, without any purpose. Like I did. 

It is only when you find a purpose do you begin to dream of a better world for others. 

Maine tere liye hi saat rang ke sapne chune 

Sapne surile sapne…..

रूठी रातें

रूठी हुई रातों के मनाया कभी

तेरे लिये मीठीं सुभाओं को बुलाया कभी

तेरे बिना भी तेरे सिये ही

दिये जलायें राहों में 

Roothi raatein 

Roothi huyi raaton ko manaaya kabhi

Tere liye meethi subaahon ko bulaya kabhi

Tere bina bhi tere liye hi

Diye jalaaye raahon mein

There were nights of disappointment and dismay. I tried to woo them and invite sweet mornings, just for you.

Even in your absence, I lighted lamps in the path, just for you.

These lines seem to be spelling out the theme of the next chapter I am embarking on. When you see people around you stumbling in darkness in several ways, even when they don’t want you around, you go about placing lamps on the way. 

भोले-भाले
भोले-भाले दिल को बहलाते रहे
तन्हाई में तेरे ख़यालों को सजाते रहे
कभी-कभी तो आवाज़ देकर
मुझको जगाया ख्वाबों ने

Bholay bhaalay 

Bholay bhaalay dil ko behlaatay rahe

Tanhaayi mein tere khayaalon ko sajaate rahe

Kabhi kabhi to awaaz dekar

Mujhko jagaayaa khwaabon ne

I kept cajoling and amusing my innocent, naive mind.

In my loneliness I kept comforting myself with your thoughts.

Sometimes when I went into deep slumber my memories and dreams called out and woke me up.

This stanza applies to the continuum of the journey since the time I got the first glimpse of light. Mind kept going back into the dark mode of purposelessness and loneliness. But I went on entertaining the thought of God and beating those tough times. The more I gathered positivity and purpose, the harder it got for dark moments to sustain. 

I am not entirely immune to darkness at this juncture. But whenever old tendencies of despair surface they can’t penetrate deeper to ruffle my core wellbeing. There is a dream in the eyes, a dream to bring sunshine and rainbows into the lives of many. That’s the force that prompts to keep me going forward. There is contentment in the heart. That’s the anchor to keep me centered into my being without getting lost again in the world. What more does one need?

Saree is a handloom weave from Assam in raw mulberry silk and eri silk.