Bai

 बाई आहेत!

Since yesterday I have been seeing बाई गेल्या ! 

These two words  have been reverberating across social media. Glorious tributes pouring

in for Smt Vijaya Mehta, the great director who passed away yesterday at the age of 92. People from the entertainment industry she touched during her lifetime shared heartfelt anecdotes about their experiences with her. Although I never had a chance to meet or know her I could sense her greatness from reading these tributes from people who knew her. Indeed I feel the urge to pay my respects to the lady who left a mark of her own in the field she dedicated her life to. 🙏🏼🙏🏼

Reading the tributes it intrigued me to notice how they all referred to her with one generic word .

बाई !

In the world today that word holds great significance. To be a बाई and shine is no ordinary feat! To hold your ground in a world that is clearly dominated by the other gender at every level and every part of the world is something that only another woman can best understand. It doesn’t matter if you live in a developed country or developing country. The path for a woman to earn a seat amongst men is harder than for a man. Yesterday in the United States three women Supreme Court justices pulled another extraordinary feat when they upheld the 14th Amendment about birthright citizenship. One of them, the first black woman to be elected to the US Supreme Court, countered the dissent of her colleague, a black man, who tried to undermine the inclusive rationale of the Amendment. 

When I heard the words  “बाई गेल्या” over and over since yesterday, two considerations came to mind. One about the term बाई and another about the implication of the word गेल्या.

Gelya. It means gone. Here refers to passing away. Dying. It is the way of the world to pay tribute to people when they pass away. Rightfully so. It is an emotional occasion afterall. The entire life’s contribution is reviewed on this solemn occasion. People who are otherwise busy in their lives come forward to share personal experiences, historians talk about the person from their perspective, the world gets a glimpse of the work of a great personality. Many come to know about the greatness of some people only after they are gone.  The only drawback is that the person themself does not get to witness the magnitude of appreciation for their work. More often no one witnesses the full magnitude of the impact when they are alive. They have probably not cared to know anyways. It is their well wishers who feel that they should have seen this with their eyes. Smt Vijaya Mehta is one such personality whose departure seems to have left a void for many who knew and enjoyed her craft. 

बाई! 

This word struck a chord with me. Just to be known as Bai ! Imagine the weight of that word.

The other day we (daughter and I) were talking about the word Tai. Tai refers to elder sister. We recently lost my eldest sister-in-law, my husband’s sister, who we lovingly referred to as Tai. My husband had 3 sisters older than him, yet he used the term Tai only for the eldest one. Our son never called our daughter Tai. But my sister faithfully calls me Tai to this day. In Marathi, Tai ताई is a very special term. It immediately draws a person closer, even to a stranger. There is a unique sweetness in that word. It does not suggest that the person is much older than oneself ( unlike maushi or kaku), yet subtly honors the person and establishes a relationship. 

The word Bai on the other hand places greater emphasis on respect, and here the affection though unmistakable, becomes subtler and secondary. Tai is not put on a pedestal, Bai definitely is.

When I kept hearing the word Bai repeatedly yesterday and again this morning in reference to Vijaya Mehta, suddenly I paused at one moment. I know someone else, someone very close to me, who is referred by that term by literally thousands of people. 

That’s my mother. Dr Hemalata Joshi ! 

The exact same sentiment that is floating around for Vijaya Bai floated around for my mother when she was a practicing physician in her days. And so many years after she retired and moved to another country to live with her daughters, that sentiment still lives with the people who know her. My dad was known as Doctor, but mom simply as बाई! 

How is Bai doing? Bai shouldn’t have closed her practice early! Please give Bai our regards. Can we talk to Bai? Can we come see Bai? Can Bai come stay with us? Please give Bai the news that our daughter has entered medical school. Please let Bai know our son has graduated from medical school. Please tell Bai we miss her. They don’t make doctors like Bai anymore. I get to hear this all the time.

Then they go on to tell me all the stories about how she delivered their daughter or daughter in law safely during a treacherous labor. How they felt comforted during times of ordeal. How she delivered two generations in their family. How their children are named after her or her children. How they knew all would be well when she is in charge. 

The woman was and is an idol to many. In that one word बाई what is encompassed is a goddess who conferred life to many. One who was a symbol of hope and love. One who was a living example of service. 

I saw her from behind the scenes and with the highly colored lenses of a firstborn daughter. Everything that the world saw in her was true yet it meant nothing to me. She was there for them at any hour they needed her. Her smile remained bright at any hour they saw her. They had access to, literally, her bedroom at odd hours when a family member went into labor. They felt they had authority to walk into a movie theater with a flashlight to yank her in the middle of the movie to take her home to treat a child who had injured himself. And it didn’t matter if they had not paid her last bill. They would never be questioned or turned away. Never mind if they took her away from her own family.  She was family to them. And they were family to her. 

The woman worked hard all her life. Her personal life notwithstanding, she stood there like a courageous soldier, fulfilling her role as the main breadwinner, ensuring that her kids were put through professional colleges and married into good families, witnessing the loss of her only son, yet regaining her smile for the sake of her surviving daughters and grandchildren. Then gracefully retiring into a quiet life of near anonymity, away from the people who worshipped her. And not once gloating about her popularity nor complaining about any harsh realities that life meted out to her. And the world may not know, but I know how harsh life has been to her. 

She has been retired for nearly three decades now and widowed for over 5 years. She is adapted to a life away from her homeland and her siblings. She holds tight bonds with her siblings and they chat over video calls almost on a daily basis. Her potted plants and other garden projects take up a chunk of each day. Saving household organic waste to create compost, drying seasonal fruits like figs and persimmons are a few of her favorite pastimes. By now practically everyone in the family has a stole or scarf or sweater she has knitted for them with her hands, finding new patterns on YouTube. The same resource is her treasure hunt site for new recipes which she then begins to experiment with in the kitchen. In between all these things there are fixed commitments to listening to her Guru’s bhajan sessions twice a day, reading and chanting. Her room and bathroom are maintained spic and span single handedly by her. She does her own laundry each week. She wants to accompany us to the grocery store because only she knows how to pick the freshest of Indian vegetables from the boxes laid out. 

The woman turned 88 last month. And proves that age is just a number.

I grew up hating the fact that my mother is not to be seen at home when I leave for school or get home from school. That she is not seated with other moms when I perform at school functions or receive awards at those functions. I resented that day to day the meal is cooked and served by hired staff at home and not by my mother like my friends’ moms do in their homes. In a nutshell, in the process of the entire town having their बाई, I had missed out on my आई. 

It took a long journey for me to grow out of that girlhood, stop whining about my needs for a mother, and simply be a woman on her own to realize what it took my आई to become बाई for thousands of people. It was by no means a small feat for her. Those who live in the shadows, take time to get a good look at the tall figure standing next to them. 

I am glad I am seeing the full picture while बाई आहेत! While the woman is still with us. And I want her to know that I wholeheartedly endorse the greatness that people see in her.

My heartfelt salute to this बाई and every बाई who has earned that title. 🙏🏼🙏🏼💕💕

Incidentally July 1st is celebrated in India as Doctor’s Day. It is a perfect occasion to salute a doctor who has created a legacy that will be remembered for years, simply by doing her job right. We who know her are fortunate to have her amongst us.

This post was first shared on Facebook on July 1,2026