Insecurity: Part 1

 Insecurity: The Root Cause for Fear and Fight! 

Part 1

Recent weeks have made me think over my own reactions to things happening around me. Reactions to current affairs as well as reactions to some issues that came to my attention in earlier days, going back to a few months and a few years. Let me enumerate a few prominent examples that I can recall. From initial look they all appear totally unrelated to each other. Yet when I look at them closely, I see now that they all have something in common. I’ll come to that later. 

It must easily be a few years now. I was in a closed group on facebook that was about textiles. Not just sarees but textiles in general, although a large part of the exchanges pertained to sarees. One day the discussion started with serious objection to people who created or wore stitched fabric and referred to them as sarees. It could have escaped my attention had it not been laced with some really demeaning comments from saree purists. Yes, saree by definition is unstitched fabric and in the strict sense anything that is stitched cannot be called a saree. Yet many in the present generation tend to get their sarees stitched for various reasons. And they pose in them and refer to them as sarees. 

Personally I tend to not argue about definition of saree. I look at it as a form of flattery towards the saree if someone likes to be seen in a saree and tries to make a few innovations to its original concept to flaunt it. I would rather welcome them to the saree wearing clan than dismiss them, disparage them or demean them. I can’t bear the thought to entirely cancel them out from the saree society. 

With that kind of thinking, inadvertently, I was taking on the guardians of the saree society! Not surprisingly, I got a lot of flak from these custodians of the saree. 

I remember saying aloud the honest realization that had occurred to me while arguing over the issue. 

All the revivalists, custodians, defenders, cheerleaders, ambassadors or modeling representatives of the saree, including me, are living in the present era. 

What is the timeline for the saree?

Its first recorded appearance dates back to the Indus civilization. It survived imperial rule. It survived the industrial revolution. 

Does it really need any of us present day spokespeople to defend it ? 

Why are we confusing the need for us to support our handloom weavers and artisans with the need to defend the saree? Saree is not in any danger. And we are fighting over its definition!!

It’s a bit too preposterous to believe that the saree needs a brave soldier to protect her or she will not survive. She is not insecure, we are. And in the course of our unfounded security we imagine foes of the saree and subject them to uncharitable descriptions and alienate them, when instead we could accomodate them under the roof of the saree and expand our clan! How shortsighted is that?

I was alone to think that the saree needs none of us to make it live long enough for the grandchildren of our great grandchildren and their future generations to drape her. The jury is still out on that one. The saree was quiet and I smiled looking at her.

More recent events pertaining to a young medical student whose videos suddenly began to circulate in the social media like wildfire. Her comments towards cadavers and teachers and the institution where she studies were highly inflammatory and inappropriate and rightfully condemned from several quarters. Since she belonged to the college I was trained at, there was plenty of discussion over the topic within our closed group. The disgust was apparent and quite valid. There was no argument about the impropriety of the comments made by that student. My opposition was for permanently removing her from the college. Whether or not she would show true reform through future behavior was up to her. I just thought she is much too young to know the consequences of such recklessness and vulnerable to making mistakes. We should give her one chance. She should be mentored and allowed to show her efforts to change in ways to prove worthy of the profession. 

I took flak again for this position.

My deep conviction is that our institution cannot be smeared so easily by the comments of a few immature youngsters like this woman. It has a legacy far too big to be tarnished by such indiscretions. There is no reason for our generation of doctors who have come out of such a respected institution to feel insecure about it. We must have full faith in the solid foundations of our institution. 

On the other hand this girl has much to lose. If her education is stripped from her, she will not have the future that she was given access to. She is at fault, no one is disputing that. But when hardened criminals get second chances, is she not entitled to a bit of forgiveness and a second chance? If she blows up even that chance, may God be her savior. But for now, do we need to bring in God or we, as her medical fraternity, can show a bit of benevolence and understanding? 

This time the group was divided. At least there were a few who saw things like I was seeing. And many who thought we were making a mistake by showing sympathy for the girl who did not deserve it. The argument got so heated that it had to be abruptly squashed by a neutral person. Thankfully nobody quit the group. We all remain friends. Thank goodness for that. 

And then the most recent upheaval! The student protests over education reform!

I have hitherto stayed largely away from political comments but panic gripped me over the thought of a nation I love falling into a state of chaos, compounded by real worry about the harm the young students may incur. This anxiety made me voice my opinion on a public platform. And of course in such situations people’s emotions are raging, loyalties are being stoked and questioned, and no one has time to pay attention to what is actually being said or done. No one totally understands what’s happening around. The consequences are unpredictable and options look bleak. There are too many stakeholders and when loss happens there will be no winners in such major events. For days I remained worried. Genuinely worried about where it was all headed. 

Looking back it feels like being in the shoes of Arjun entering Kurukshetra on the brink of the war. There was that fear of “my people” being destroyed. 

But I think after the first few days of that fearful uncertainty, I gained insight from it finally. 

I realized that even if the worst fears come true, the country will stand strong. There may be tooth and nail fight from all sides but the country will emerge stronger in either case. 

Again it was the case of Goliath feeling scared of David. Entirely out of place for fear. 

The time frame for the country is not limited to the time frame of the people who live today.  The country has lived through much worse times. 

Why should I then become insecure about the country’s future ? How silly of me!

I think this hit the nail into my brain finally. 

Everything that you care about, whether it is the values, the culture, the religion, the saree, the institutions that made you what you are today, the countries that made you what you are today, all these are capable to survive no matter what happens in a short time frame. 

All you have to do is take a good look. You will see that there is no threat to any of these things. 

People who continue to feel threatened by others will continue to fight. Those who feel secure, see no reason to fight. 

If there is a real imminent threat, there are people appointed in the right positions to take action. If they sleep at their jobs, there is a power that silently registers every action. They may not pay true heed to that invisible and unwritten law but they are watched even while they sleep or live with the delusion that what they do is not observed. The entire design of this universe is based on auto-correction. 

So anyone like me, who feels concerned about the end point of creation or of their world, can sit back and watch confidently.

Each time a small thing tends to worry me I try to keep the larger picture of Time in mind. 

Really long term view, much beyond the children and grandchildren and great grandchildren and their great grandchildren. So far off that the ego will not care much about things as narrow as itself. 

That’s when the picture gets clearer. 

When the little person is removed, it becomes easier to watch all action clearly, within and without.

I heard some politician say recently that the previous government had been meddling with EVMs( electronic voting machines) for years, so why are we questioned when we do the same?

In Marathi there is a phrase: ऐकावं ते नवलच !! Amazement never ceases!! 

When the current generation begins to normalize abnormal behavior, one is left with a few options. 

One,become part of it.

Second : Dont be part of it but choose a knowing silence. Pretend to be blind, deaf, mute and mentally retarded even when you know what’s happening around you.

Third: Don’t be part of it. Speak up. Keep speaking up. You will keep getting frustrated because nobody hears you. Keep shouting in frustration. Join the chaos as the opposing force.

Fourth: Don’t be part of it. Don’t expect anything or anyone to change. Speak up anyways. Dont allow yourself to get aggravated by their inertia. 

When you see anyone going the wrong way, you can use your discretion to caution them. But if they choose to still go that way don’t let it worry you. Let them go. Probably stopping their own momentum is beyond even themselves.

It is what it is. You are what you are. They are what they are. We are each what we are at any given moment. Take it or leave it. 

Insecurity over what we love is often the cause for our anger. 

Last Sunday I was driving home from San Francisco. It was very hot outside, over 100 degrees Fahrenheit temperature. Our daughter had sent her small shriveling money-plant in a glass bottle to take home and nurse it back to life. The safest place for it with water and everything was in the cup holder in the console between the front seats. I had taken great care to keep it sprayed with water throughout the drive so the heat wouldn’t get to it. Almost 270+ miles done and another ten or so to go, dear husband wanted me to take out the house keys and keep them handy to enter the house. So I took the entire bunch out of my purse and handed it for him to hold. Kept my focus on the road. 

A few minutes later I was aghast. The heavy bunch of keys were sitting mercilessly on the two barely surviving leaves of the plant in the cup holder! I lost my cool. How could you? 

Instead of saying sorry for the oversight, what did he do? Started fighting back saying it was stupid to have the plant in the car !! 

There we go. 

The simple desire to save that poor plant and someone’s recklessness that countered that effort brought anger to my mind! 

I caught it within a few minutes but couldn’t avert the initial reflex show of disgust and disapproval. 

The insecurity in my mind was for the survival of the plant. It was neither my plant nor did I have any personal interest in it. I was just a temporary caretaker for it during that drive. Once home, my mom was the one assigned to care for it. Even then the potential harm to it made me angry. 

Everything we have in life is like that plant. A garden trusted in our hands to care for while we are here. Many times our carefully manicured garden is ambushed by reckless trespassers. We can rush to defend it. But we often lack total power to avert damage. That’s when the realization comes that we forgot that we were merely caretakers. In the process we got attached to somebody else’s property and it is the attachment that’s making us angry. Attachment that’s making us insecure.

If insecurity itself is off the table, can there be much to be angry about? 

Anger is within each of us. How long to remain angry and how strongly to express it, is our choice. 

To express it or not, is also our choice. 

And if we choose to express it, in what way to express is also our choice. If the incident led to a grudge, how long to hold the grudge in the heart? How far to carry it and what price to pay in order to prioritize this grudge? All that is in our hands.

Easier said than done. But it is possible when we try. My reaction in such situations is much subdued than it tended to be a decade back. Just by identifying the attachments and recognizing them for what they are. 

The assignment is to be a caretaker. We confuse it with being the owner and then start the war with others. If we focus on the role of being a caretaker, diligent one, but fully aware that we don’t have ownership, we can experience the gradual dissipation of anger. It just doesn’t last long even if it makes a brief appearance. 

The loss of property is something we have to answer to the owner. When we tried saving it to the best of our abilities, the owner is totally aware. If our relationship with the owner is built on trust, the owner knows our integrity. There is no explanation asked from us for the damage or loss in that situation. No guilt, no remorse, no persecution, no punishment. No valuable entity that is experienced but invisible from outside is ever destroyed. For example faith, diligence, integrity, courage, readiness to work, to rebuild, understanding, trust.

On the other hand, no property that is visible to the eyes was ever indestructible. The owner is fully cognizant of this. 

Everything that is manifest has a finite time in the sun. It’s not always easy to see it fade away but that’s the truth. Once we accept this truth, we do not grieve the losses. We remain sensitive to them but do not grieve. There is a difference. Not everyone can understand this. 

So I try to be a good caretaker. But I know I’m not the owner. 

And if I’m the owner, everyone else is a co-owner. That clarifies the extent of my responsibility.

In either scenario why should I not continually be involved in damage control? 

And why should I get angry if loss occurs?