The Blog Journey: Reflecting on four years

 

The Blog Journey : Reflections at Four Years

 As I was reflecting today on how the blog has shaped me thus far, it prompted me to go back and read the first post titled “Introduction”. It was the beginning of September four years back.Here is the opening paragraph in that introduction:

“ This site was created several months back with an intention to share my life stories along with some thoughts on things that are dear to me. These include lessons I learnt from the Bhagwad Gita ,writings of the saints from Maharashtra and other parts of India, travel notes and my sarees. And may be other random thoughts. Needless to say this space is solely to express my views and learnings as I interpret them. It is in many ways my personal diary and therefore a mirror to my internal struggles, journey and slow evolution. I don’t have to subscribe to any audience here, seek validation, promote myself, promote a product or please anyone. I do not have any political aspirations or affiliations. “

It was somewhat heartening to read this because the heart of this endeavor has remained true to itself after four years. If I were to start the blog today I would not view the themes and goals of writing on this platform any differently from how I did four years back. What is evident to me is that what this space reflects in its contents is my swadharma. That unique combination of everything that finds expression from within my being is what differentiates me from another being and that core has remained steadily true to itself. That’s the part that is refreshing to find. 

The introductory post continued to confess what was the immediate cause behind devoting my thoughts and writings singularly to this platform versus any other media.

“It would have been further delayed had it not been for a recent incident that took me by surprise. I was writing daily posts on a large group platform and one incident made me realize that even in the virtual world one needs their own home. So here I am creating this little space where all good, bad and ugly experiences of life can be shared as I see them without the worry that someone will mute me abruptly or make me feel like I am intruding into their home. A place where I can be me without expecting anyone to hear me or understand me.”

Reading this paragraph I identify a gradual internal shift in my views about sharing thoughts. A position that is not overtly expressed in the paragraph above but one that I know with clarity. Btw, this clarity also wasn’t there when I started writing the blog. I gained it in the process. I was intrinsically an introvert, and I still am, to a very significant extent. It is difficult for me to open up easily when I am in company of people. Both in the physical world and virtual spaces. Sometimes it is a matter of confidence, sometimes just an inexplicable discomfort, sometimes an insight with reasonable certainty about the inappropriateness of the circumstances, and sometimes just the opposite, not speaking up because I have not figured out if it is the best time and place to share. This space becomes a safer place to have a voice at any given time. 

What has the space given me? 

First, it has allowed me to hear my voice. This may seem crazy to someone. But it is true. It has actually allowed me to realize that I have a voice. And that it ought not to be silenced. By extrapolation, I learned that every being has a voice, even though they may not be aware of it. And every voice ought not to be silenced. It ought to be encouraged and allowed to be expressed. I have a word for anyone who follows my blog. If you are not already doing this, please consider keeping a journal, either physical or electronic. Write down your experiences, your thoughts, your journey. It will be the best thing you can gift yourself and others. 

Second thing that came was the recognition that the voice within me had remained throttled for so long that it lacked what we call in Marathi, sanskar! The closest way I can translate sanskar into English is civilized training or cultivation.

Why do I say so? Because I recognized some undesirable patterns about this voice. At times it was too loud, too brash, too primitive, explosive. At other times it was inappropriately soft or even silent. 

As it found a space to express itself it also found a chance to reform. To reshape. To slowly blossom into something beautiful, rather than be ashamed, guilty or apologetic about itself. 

It feels rather magical, as if the transformation resembles the arrival of spring after a harsh winter. The days become longer, warmer bringing more sunshine. The orchards become more visible. The barren branches of the trees begin to unravel leaves and flowers, in turn attracting bees and inviting birds. Fruits begin to form and grow. Then people come seeking the sweetness of the fruits. If trees could express themselves they would say it aloud how happy they are to share their fruit with the people. 

From the half-heartedness, discomfort and awkwardness of sharing, to feeling genuine joy of sharing, it’s been a transformation that only I can fully recognize and acknowledge. From being in a winter like dark, isolated chamber, suddenly arriving into a spacious room where hundreds of windows to the outside world are opening and letting the rays of the sun come inside, allowing the breeze to move freely between outside and inside. Like the arrival of bees and birds, the joy in finding and blossoming of a voice, invites other friendly companions like confidence, clarity, meaning, purpose, and a sense of obligation towards sharing.

Although in my first post I stated that “I do not have any political aspirations or affiliations”, my stand has shifted on this. I absolutely have no political aspirations or affiliations even today. But I do not find myself disinterested about politics anymore. I no longer view politics as something one should not get involved with. Quite the contrary. I have started realizing the importance of every individual being aware of the political climate and why they should do their part in effecting the direction of political winds. I have arrived at the conclusion that having such awareness and sense of responsibility and individual power is a sign of literacy and cultural maturity. 

The design of the blog is such that anyone could be reading it and they can remain anonymous unless they specifically communicate with me. I can see the number of people who have read a post but I don’t know who it was, what did they think about it? Was anything in it useful for them? Do they have anything to say relevant to the topic, their personal insights from which I can learn? 

“Anyone who is interested to read my story is welcome to do so and drop their comments , whether or not you agree with my thoughts. Stay polite even when you disagree. That’s all I ask. “

When I wrote the above paragraph in the original introduction, it had the vibes of a private space which would be guarded by a strict patrol over trespassers. Today I would probably phrase the words more carefully and differently. I would encourage an offline dialogue with the people who read my writings. I would like to learn from them. I would like the breeze to have a movement in both directions. 

The housekeeping rule of maintaining politeness and respectfulness even when disagreeing would remain in effect. I would make a request to keep the focus on the issue and not person, on growth and understanding of both participants in the conversation and not maintaining status quo. 

Dnyaaneshwar Maharaj said

Duritanche Timir javo 

Vishwa swadharma soorye paho.

This blog became a means for me to realize my swadharma. It became instrumental in dissipating darkness from my mind, gradually and consistently. 

In the course of just living, observing, reflecting upon things that grabbed attention, I got an opportunity to think deeper and gain insights that I never had before. So many topics, previously not given much thought to, began to be seen in better context. I realized that Light can actually come from a source within us. It does not always need to come from the outside. That there is an endless source of inspiration within us, unbeknownst to us. I found that Light within me and recognize that it exists in everything and everyone around me as well.

Light can never be said to be enough. I know now that not only is the Light endless, but that darkness has no bottom either. As long as the lamp is in one’s hand you can keep walking through the dark tunnels in your path without fear. The work can never end. Growth can never cease to happen. It musnt be allowed to cease. That is the sign of life. Conversely, living without ongoing personal growth is as good as being dead.

In the physical world that I live, it is currently autum. The trees are shedding leaves and preparing to go dormant for the winter.

In the world within, spring has arrived. May the spring in this life never leave. 

It is beautiful. 

Saree is a cotton weave from Assam.