Did Ram fault Sita?

Jaya angi mothepan,Taya yatana kathin 

जया अंगी मोठेपण, तया यातना कठीण

The bigger a person gets, greater suffering he sustains. 

Contrary to popular belief, life doesn’t get cushier as you achieve greatness. Greatness brings greater responsibilities. Only the one in those shoes really knows how hard it is. Others don’t even hold empathy for the greater person either because he is expected to be great and a super human or quite simply, many hold envy towards him. Few realize that even the great person is human at heart and experiences pain and suffering. 

The character of Ram remains a model for an ideal human being. His commitment to truth, supreme personal sacrifice in a bid to keep his father’s word and compassion towards universal beings is cited as the value system one ought to aim for or possess. Despite extraordinary virtues, there are significant number of people who criticize Ram for at least one reason. And often that is for his decision to abandon a pregnant Sita, simply because one man in the kingdom raised a doubt about her character. Feminist groups in particular voice strong condemnation of this story. Their thought is that it sends a wrong message to men, that women are a commodity that can be used and discarded without any good reason.

It all makes sense from a secular point. From a spiritual perspective there is a much different thought process. A king is a father figure for all his subjects. He is required to sacrifice personal happiness and comforts if called upon to satisfy his people. When a single washerman raised doubts about Sita’s chastity after having spent time in Ravan’s custody, it became a painful dilemma for Ram to address the issue. Many will disagree with me and dismiss my opinion as outdated. I am thinking out loud as if from the mind of someone who has taken a vow to guard the interests of his subjects at any cost . Ram had no doubts about the chastity of Sita. As a husband he owed her his full support. But to stand by her and shut the voice of a subject became matter of conflict of interest. Sita as a wife was half of his own being. It was a confrontation of a husband against a king. By punishing her in his capacity as a king, he was punishing the husband within himself. What was totally unfair on the visible side unfortunately was the right thing to do for the king when choosing his options. Not paying heed to the loose tongued washerman and protecting his own wife was unbecoming of a king. It would have been perfectly ok for any ordinary citizen to side with his wife. But a king could not do that. The same pain applied to Sita. If she had been the wife of any ordinary man she would not be driven away from home simply because one stranger raised doubts about her character. Alas. She was the queen of a righteous king. They both were called upon to pay a price for righteousness. They did not bargain.

People argue about the clarity in the mind of Ram when handling this issue. It is not that he is not aware that his decision was most definitely unfair towards Sita. He simply could not side with her when a subject was casting a doubt. Sita for her part came forward to stand the test and prove her purity. 

Both Ram and Sita did what they had to do. It wasn’t fair. We all know that. But they would invite an even bigger fault by excusing themselves of inconvenience. They would invite the stigma of selfishness and disregard for their people. Hence sacrifice of personal happiness became the right choice for them. They both understood each other and felt the pain for each other. But duty was important to both. This was not new for them. 

They had both upheld duty over personal comfort when Kaikeyi demanded Ram to be banished to the forest so Bharat could become king. The present episode was slightly different from the one when Ram was sent to the forest. At that time Sita volunteered to accompany him and to share the hardships. This time Ram would happily do the same to be with her. Sadly this time he wasn’t an ordinary citizen. He was king. And thereby was obligated to let her go away by herself. It was a much more painful experience for him than anyone could understand.

Under the earlier circumstances duty had kept them together. This time duty tore them apart. 

There is a description in the Ramayan about the day when Ram was to be crowned king. Sage Vasishta had gone to meet him in his private chamber and noticed Ram was looking sad. Today is supposed to be a good day, everyone is overjoyed about seeing you becoming the king. Why then are you looking sad? Vashishta asked. Ram’s answer was that once he becomes king, he would no longer enjoy the status of being ordinary. He would be marked as having a special status. That was a matter of sadness for him. He was aware of what the special status entailed. It came with obligations that he understood very clearly. Difference between Ram and other people who enjoy such special status is that Ram did not compromise on his obligations at any level. Even in the tough moment of sending Sita away from him, he actually elevated her to his equal. Only equals share the pain in a sacrifice. If he treated her as ordinary she would get a different treatment. This was not the first time they were sharing suffering. This time they had to share it staying apart.

What Bharat had to endure when Ram went to the forest, Ram was enduring now as he sent Sita away. What’s worse, it was he who had to take the decision to send her away! The pain of these great souls is not easy to understand. Behind that pain and those choices lies a clarity about duty. For ordinary people, in the story of the greats are ethical, moral, human and spiritual truths to be understood. 

Executing divine functions while retaining one’s human side is by no means an easy task. Ram was glorified but he was detached from the glory. All his life he faced immense personal hardships. He accepted them with a smile and courage. So did Sita. Both did not take cover of excuses to avoid personal discomfort. Their decisions remain in textbooks as case studies about ideal practices. Although many are taught about this ideal, few are willing to act like Ram or Sita did. It is not easy to give up your own interests in the name of duty and honor. 

Coming back to the feminist argument that men have no right to abandon their wives like Ram did, it is absolutely a fair argument. Ordinary men have absolutely no right to do so. Only the men who have proven their commitment to duty by going to the forest for 14 or more years and readily giving up the right to become a king, they can claim the right to abandon their wife when duty calls for it. They can cite Ram as their role model. 

In the story of Ram and Sita sacrifice is upheld as a virtue. Those who are incapable of making personal sacrifices are unqualified to pass their judgements on Ram. Even the women who pass a judgement on Ram’s choices need to first take a thorough look at themselves. Those who have the necessary qualification, will find no fault with Ram. 

Besides sacrificing personal comfort, what needs to be understood here is the clarity about duty. Full understanding of duty,is rare. Even within the context of duty, having the ability to arrange various duties in appropriate order of priority is a virtue not everybody possesses. After a clear assessment of duty, executing it flawlessly is a feat to be lauded. Sense of duty is most clouded by thoughts of personal inconvenience.

When the person is so evolved that personal comfort is not a consideration, duty doesnt get confused and compromised. 

That person in a nutshell is Ram.

And Sita is just the female version of Him.