Tat Tvam Asi

 Tat Tvam Asi

Last week I was seeing a patient in her late seventies. She had come for a follow up on ear infection for which she was already seen at the ER 3 days before and started on antibiotics. Her ear looked good. I simply asked her to complete the antibiotics. Out of nowhere she started telling me about unrelated complaints. Tingling and numbness on the cheeks, and in the arms and legs, occasional aching. All this started on the same day she went to ER but before she took the antibiotics. 

I asked her, have you been treated for anxiety in the past? She became quiet for a few moments, then acknowledged that she had been prescribed medication for anxiety 3-4 months prior but did not take it. Why not? She said because she felt better by herself. I told her that her present symptoms are due to anxiety. How do you know, she asked. I said, from experience. She had looked up google and had come to suspect that she may have multiple sclerosis, a serious neurological condition. She wanted me to order a MRI and other tests. In my assessment these were unnecessary. They would show nothing. She seemed to not agree to the idea of anxiety being cause of her symptoms and doubted my diagnosis. Finally I told her, I can only tell you in good faith what I see. To believe or not believe is entirely up to you. I cannot force you to believe. 

She was quiet again. Then asked, do you advise I should take that medicine they gave me for anxiety. I nodded yes. But cautioned her that it would need to be faithfully taken for 2 months or longer to appreciate improvement. What should I do when I run out, she asked. I can order more if you like me to. She nodded yes to that. So I ordered some refills for the future.

Just as I was about to take leave of her, a question arose in my mind. Who lives with you, I asked her. She instantly broke down. I live by myself,  she began to tell me. Her husband had passed away last year. She confessed she feels overwhelmed with everything that she has to do. Any kids, I asked. A step daughter lives in Bakersfield but she doesn’t care for me. The one who cares ( a step son) lives in Simi Valley. It is too far for me to go see him. I spent a few more minutes with her. Suggested a few options to overcome the isolation. Perhaps a Bible group, or making friends with people who attend her church. Go out to lunch with them once a week or so. Try meditating or taking walks. Provided resources to her to seek counseling. By the time I left the room, she was more composed and had more faith in my words and seemed more likely to take the medication she so badly needed but was earlier refusing. 

Our understanding, our minds all live in a state of delusion. The Vedas tell us “ Tat Tvam Asi”.

Do we believe it? 

They prescribe remedies to cure our delusions. 

Self enquiry by logical reasoning. 

Do we do as told? 

It’s the same situation as the story above. We go from one door to another with a variety of problems and symptoms. But we are not ready to accept that we are deluded. We don’t know who we are. And then our mind creates a whole web of problems for us. There is just no way to come out of the drama of life without self enquiry. 

I could see my old self in that woman.