Bursting the Bubble

Having just returned from a short trip to the north-eastern states with Minal (my sister) I was thinking about some heart to heart conversations we had during the trip. There were several loved ones we have lost in our lifetimes and some of them had such distressed, troubled lives until the last moments. Thinking about the circumstances in their lives and overall the vulnerability of youth in present times, a few thoughts ran through the mind. I came across this poignant ghazal( Urdu poetry) by the renowned poet Faiz Ahmad Faiz and felt that it beautifully captures heartbreak and provides a platform to discuss the issues surrounding the emotional upheaval arising from failed relationships. My lens tends to see life through ordinary worldly viewpoint and then contrast it with a spiritual perspective. The discussion therefore will glide through this personal take on the subject.

When a young mind falls in love for the very first time there is something magical about it. Surrender is almost natural, instinctive, effortless and uncalculated. The person happily submits to spending rest of his or her life with the and for the beloved, at any cost. There is great genuineness about the sentiment in the heart and woven into this is the meaning and purpose the person sees in his or her life. The lucky ones for who the fairytale lasts for a lifetime are spared of agony until death do them part. But then, the fairytale does not last long for many others. What happens to them? How do they get through their lives when the fairytale ends? Some cope, some breakdown, then pick themselves up and put the pieces of their life together . Some never recover and others simply perish due to the heartbreak.

The protagonist of Faiz’s poem reveals the story of a fairly large number of people who face heartbreak from their first significant romantic relationship. The charming aura of the relationship and it’s joyous memory never completely leaves them. They nurture it somewhere deep in the heart. The desire, the memory and the lament of its untimely dismissal covets a corner of the heart. Life is bruised but not disabled forever. It goes on. It learns to survive one way or another. Practicality overpowers romanticism. The head learns to rule over the heart. It is a strange dichotomous living experience. Living to survive, to earn a livelihood while occasionally looking back at the life that wasn’t meant to be. 

Let’s see how Faiz describes it.

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दोनों जहान तेरी मोहब्बत में हार के

वो जा रहा है कोई शब-ए-ग़म गुज़ार के

Having surrendered both worlds ( what was and what could have been, present and future) in the name of your love, someone is walking along after spending the night filled with sadness. 

(Intended meaning: Life became dreary, burdensome after we parted because I had invested myself entirely into you.)

वीराँ है मय-कदा ख़ुम-ओ-साग़र उदास हैं

तुम क्या गए कि रूठ गए दिन बहार के

The pub is deserted, the barrel and the goblet are sad. The cheer and liveliness of spring disappeared with your departure.

( Intended meaning: There is no longer a sense of enjoyment in life.)

इक फ़ुर्सत-ए-गुनाह मिली वो भी चार दिन

देखे हैं हम ने हौसले पर्वरदिगार के

I (we) had the opportunity to enjoy life, to indulge in guilty/ forbidden pleasures and take the liberty to make mistakes. Alas it was for not too long. The limits of God’s tolerance became evident from how short lived the good times were.

(Inferred meanings:

God is a strict parent who restricts playtime for his kids and directs them to become responsible adults.

Those who wished for longer playtime move on with laments.

Pleasures do not last forever. A mind addicted to pleasures can never find time to be enough for indulgence.

दुनिया ने तेरी याद से बेगाना कर दिया

तुझ से भी दिल-फ़रेब हैं ग़म रोज़गार के

The world succeeded in estranging me from your memories. The sadness of losing you was effectively replaced in the heart by the hardships of making a living.

( Ground realities of life temporarily make people forgetful of the finer joys they previously experienced. Alas both bring sadness, one by it’s presence and the other by its absence.)

भूले से मुस्कुरा तो दिए थे वो आज 'फ़ैज़'

मत पूछ वलवले दिल-ए-ना-कर्दा-कार के

She may have absentmindedly smiled today. What can I tell you? The simple gesture created ripples in my dejected heart! 

( Objects of one’s liking continue to dangle a carrot from time to time. The temptation never goes away as long as you are identified with your mortal self.)

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As I wrote earlier, the poet reveals here the coexistence within oneself of the dryness of a mundane life along with the moist tender emotions for someone who remained only a distant memory.  

Most people who have gone through their entire life in a similar manner can relate to the emotions brought forth by this ghazal. It becomes a mirror for them and they revel in the caressing of their own life story through it. Even in the last moments of their mortal life they look back at it as “my life”. The association with “my mind”, “ my feelings”, “my desires”, “ my ideas”, “my love” remains strong. It keeps one bound to the fictional idea of oneself and the world .

From the spiritual standpoint, this is a life lived in the bubble of avidya or ignorance. The bubble never breaks for most people. Even at the time of death they are looking at the life in the bubble. In that picture they see themselves as a mortal being and their beloved as a second mortal being. And a series of events surrounding them makes up their story. They never discover the real one who is seeing the bubble! The one awareness that is the only constant is never sought. 

All along it has been awareness loving awareness.Life loving life. Love loving love. No two lovers. No two entities.

A spiritual aspirant ( sadhak) is somewhere in a middle zone. While he or she views oneself as a mortal being, the beloved( deity) is a higher spiritual entity, nevertheless separate from oneself. In that relationship when surrender happens, just like the surrender described above in the love between two humans, it dissolves the mortal mind into the infinite spirit. That’s when the devotee realizes that even he/she was living in a bubble. Both me and my God were imaginary beings created by avidya. The only thing real was/is the awareness. 

Any individual entity, whether man, woman or God is fiction! A single, undivided consciousness is the ultimate changeless reality. 

The purpose and meaning in living could elevate to a whole different level if the bubble is broken. Sooner the better. But it is never too late. Once the bubble bursts there is no interest in guilty pleasures because what the mind sought through those pleasures, it finds within itself. From that point on there is no loss and no gain. There are no hardships of mundane living. There is no mundane living. There is a completeness that comes which the mind was previously seeking unbeknownst to itself. And once it realizes that it no longer needs to seek further completeness, it naturally begins to help other minds acquire it. To settle their restlessness. To take them to the shore. 

If only people believe that they are living in a bubble of their minds! And dare to burst it and find themselves! So much agony could be avoided. Life could glow with so much meaning and purpose. 

As Muktabai spoke to Dnyaneshwar:

कोणी कोणास शिकवावे 

सार साधूनिया घ्यावे !

Who can teach who? The wise listen to the wise and draw the essence from the words to realize the truth. 

P.S  This ghazal has been rendered in vocal form by several leading ghazal singers including Begum Akhtar, Ghulam Ali, Talat Mahmud, Noorjehan,  Farida Khanum, Iqbal Banu and others. To me the version sung by Mehdi Hassan appealed the most.